Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The Measure of This Woman

My favorite bloggers post lists of things they like and hate--and a lot of the time I'm nodding as I read, shouting "Amen!" to my computer screen. But when I stop to think about it, they're not stating anything too controversial or earth-shattering. I mean, of course we all like companies that give to charity, good-smelling products and celebrities who lend a hand to the down-trodden. We all hate mean school administrators, bullies and the Current Occupant's policies.

So to stir the pot, of bland cyber-opinions, I've come up with a list of Some Things I Hate That Other People Like.

(Drumroll.....)

1. Corn on the Cob. Hate it. It's messy to eat, sticks in my teeth, leaves a greasy film, doesn't offer any nutritional value, and did I mention that it sticks in my teeth? Corn as a food is overrated IMHO, and on the cob it's a major pain in the gums.

2. The radio outside of NPR stations. Sometimes I'm forced to troll through the stations when the horrid "Simply Folk" program is playing and let me tell you, all pop music sounds the same and frankly? it sounds canned and false and lacks the passion and nuance of jazz, blues and classical. Maybe I'm a music snob, but they don't write lyrics anymore like they did in the 70's (Remember Carol King? James Taylor? Barry Manilow? Songs that told a story and evoked emotion?) Lyrics aside, modern pop all sounds alike to my mostly untrained ear--and up here in Northeast Wisconsin, that's all the stations play--modern pop and country western. Ick.

3. Bathrobes. Really. The sleeves flop in my way, the belt never stays tied, and I don't find all that extra terry-cloth bunching around my midsection either flattering or comfortable. Wearing a big bulky robe is much like being pregnant which always sounded better in theory than in practice. If I lived alone, I'd skip the robe while waiting for my skin to go from damp to dry and pick out the day's jeans and t-shirt standing in the buff. But I live in a house with four cute guys (yeah, my college fantasy come true after all these years) and nudity outside of my bathroom wouldn't be prudent.

4. Shopping. A dreadful chore--worse than cleaning toilets or dusting. My in-laws like to go the day after Thanksgiving--for the WHOLE DAY. This is like a whole ring of hell. I'd rather eat shards of glass than shop. I'd rather go without than shop. The whole bit of it--inept clerks, crowded aisles, annoying people everywhere, lines, franchises that drain local dollars out of our local economy, merchandise that doesn't live up to its false promises and/or is unethically produced, I'll stop this rant right now. I. Hate. Shopping.
(Except for shopping in bookstores or greenhouses--then I'm a consumer slut.)

5. Knick-knacks. Figurines. Empty vases. Decorative swags of fake flowers and vines. Home decor collects dust and I think a lot of it is UGLY. Statues of ballerinas or teddy bears? Needlepoint throw pillows? I can see the occasional object of beauty or art that has sentimental value (i.e. the music box from Germany given to me on my 5th birthday from my now-dead grandma), but when every room of the house is cluttered with empty Avon perfume bottles and little wooden pigs painted with flowers and Precious Moments statues--well, I totally judge it tasteless. Framed photos of my loved ones and fresh flowers seems sufficient--like the philosopher said, form and function both, otherwise, who needs it? Less is more (except when we're talking books or flowers). And with all the artwork that my kids bring home, I'm not hurting for things to prop on my mantel.

So if you were planning to invite me over to sit around in my bathrobe and eat corn on the cob while listening to WIXX and plan a day of shopping for tchotchkes...

(Sonic boom of my head exploding)


2 comments:

  1. Thank you! You and I are definitely birds of a feather. Well, besides the corn on the cob. I don't mind that one so much. Everything else though: AMEN!

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  2. I totally agree with you about corn on the cob, kinck knacks (they are forbidden in our house), and shopping the day after Thanksgiving (I signed up for a 6am spin class so I could get out of it this year.)I could live in my bathrobe, but I hate slippers that cover my whole foot.

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