Thursday, March 27, 2008

Mr. D goes under the bus

Like owning a house or a dog, having a spouse has its pros and cons. Green Girl and Mr. G don't always see eye to eye on certain issues (politics, cleanliness, whose family is stranger--okay, hers probably is), but they agree on one thing: it's good to have someone to throw under the bus in certain circumstances.

Mr. D's thrown Green Girl under the bus lots of times. He wants to get out of a work obligation, he tells his partner, "Oh, Green Girl's family is in town, so I have to leave early." He doesn't want to play with a particular friend he tells them, "Green Girl's been a raging you-know-what lately, I can't, she'll kill me." He can blame a sick child, a busy schedule or work, but sometimes he just needs to blame his wife.

Green Girl doesn't mind because it works both ways. "Sorry, we'd love to come to the Cities that weekend, Mom, but Mr. D's got a work thing and baseball practice." You get the picture.

This past week the Presumptuous Mother with the ADHDHDHDHDHD Son who Wants Green Girl to Provide Free Babysitting and Friendship sent Green Girl an email wanting "girlfriend time--the boys could just play in the basement or something." Green Girl considered the invitation presented by this woman. An invitation for Green Girl to host company in her house and subject her children to ADHDHDHDHDHDHD boy's terror tactics. And provide snacks.

Green Girl wasn't remotely tempted by the offer. She blew off the email, however, as she often does with emails she isn't interested in. She'd reply another day.

A few days went by and Green Girl found herself cornered at church by the Presumptuous Mother. "Hey! I've missed you! When can we get together?"

Green Girl floundered for an answer. Shit! Why didn't she rehearse this? Why didn't she just reply to the damn email! Crap! Now she's thinking swear words in church! Hypocrite!! Guilt!!

She hemmed and hawed and choked out a weak, "I know! We've been so busy--and then we were all sick. It sure has been a while ..."

"What's your calendar look like? Maybe we could come over and make you dinner one night."**

**Yes, Green Girl knows how bizarre that last paragraph looked. It's true though. Last fall this woman offered to bring Green Girl and her family dinner. Foolishly, Green Girl accepted, thinking it was like a casserole thing that you do for new mothers or people who need a break. What Presumptuous Mother did was show up with her husband and child and shopping bags full of groceries and actually commandeer Green Girl's kitchen and prepare meal for everyone to eat--TOGETHER. To their credit, dinner was great, but Green Girl still had to clean up--after 8 people instead of the usual 5. She won't even tell you how Mr. D felt about the entire affair.

Green Girl took a deep breath and used her marital privileges. "You know, that would be nice, but baseball just started Monday and Mr. D's coaching again. Our schedule is jam-packed for at least the next two months. He's got practice every night and then there's the games--which are already going to be backed up this season because of the weather. It's really important for us to be at all of his games. It means a lot to him." Not only did Green Girl throw Mr. D under the bus, she backed that bus up and drove over him again.


  1. It sounds like you made the right move!

  2. Can't you suggest a Girls Night Out - without the kids?

  3. Well I hope you didn't kill him when you backed the bus over him, as you're clearly going to need to throw him under again.

  4. Well wriggled green girl!

    Girls night out sounds best, and she might get the hint that en-masse her brood is hard work!

  5. Mr. D. sounds like he can take it. Survival of the fittest, baby.

  6. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. You gotta do what you gotta do.

    Really, they came over and actually made you dinner? In your own house?

  7. Good girl. Go read about my friend who told me to comb my son's hair. She keeps asking me to come over and sew with her-I hope her definition of sewing is me bringing over material and drinking wine while she makes me curtains.

  8. What else could you do?

    I'd be a little freaked out if someone showed up with bags of groceries. And why isn't she issuing invites to her own house?


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