Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I should blame NPR

I was jamming in my kitchen again this morning and I made a pot of coffee because, well, if I don't have my coffee by 9:00 all bets are on that I'll morph into a raging bitch within milliseconds. Swear to God. Caffeine deprivation has that effect on me.

So you know how it is, you've got one ear listening for children waking and the other on NPR's Morning Edition. You measure out the scoops--1,2,3,4,5 and fill to the water line--Good morning, Mr. G. What do you want for breakfast? Sure... pour the cereal and milk, wash the jars for the jam, toss out a few remaining of moldy bread and finish patting the raspberries dry. Measure the sugar--need more sugar. Find the extra bag of sugar in the pantry and pour it in--2 cups--need to add 3 1/4 more. Stir. Good morning, Mr. D. Stir. Stir. Stir. Pour another cup of milk for Mr. B.

Dump the Sure Gel into the pan and measure 3/4 cups of water. Stir and marvel at the people off the coast of Britain who began a literary society to fool the Nazi's during WWII. Add the book to your list of future reads. You need a cup of coffee and head over to the coffeemaker. Huh. The coffee level is at 8 cups but you are certain you added 5 scoops of coffee and while you don't mind strong coffee, Mr. D waters his down so you add a couple cups of water and let it percolate. Come to think of it, you know you only put in 8 cups of water. Note to self: make the same amount of coffee every day so you don't have any more confusion in your life.

Boil the pectin, stir stir stir. Interesting story about how the dude in Maryland is doing a walkthrough to reduce his energy consumption by 15%. Later you should check the basement and make sure that power strip is switched off. Pour the boiling froth into the sugared raspberries. Stirstirstirstirstir. Transfer jam into jars and cap with clean lids. Turn to pour Mr. D a cup of coffee and bring it back to him, surely he's in the bathroom finishing his shower by now. Walking back you discover he's sprawled across the bed. I brought you some coffee. You place it on the nightstand beside him. I already got a cup--it's in the bathroom. So you did put in 10 cups of water and now your morning coffee is all watered down.

Drat. Dagnabbit. Darn it all.

Return to the kitchen and sample your weak-ass cup of coffee. Your Secret True Love and Soul Mate Garrison Keillor is wrapping up The Writer's Almanac with "The Snowy Day" by Elizabeth Spires.

The last time I saw you, we met for coffee on a snowy day.


19 comments:

  1. Glad to hear that you are nice to Mr D and bring him his coffee in the morning!! I just said to Sarah that we don't hear enough about Mr. D and how he "helps" around the house and yard.

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  2. Great story! I think it's so cool how our lives and locations are so different but yet my morning was quite similar (substitute jam and kids with laundry and dogs) mostly because of public radio. Granted we both could have just as easily been watching the Today Show, but it just wouldn't have been the same... When I got to the end though I thought "no, not Writer's Almanac' with Garrison Keillor. 'Earth and Sky' with Block and Bird!" Dang local programming...

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  3. No, no, no. Sit and wait for coffee to be done, drink the FIRST cup, THEN proceed with the day. Just sayin'.

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  4. Very impressed that you make jam without your full concentration on the project.

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  5. What a picture perfect morning - with the exception of weak coffee. I gave it up (coffee) about 3 months ago and still miss it as much as ever!

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  6. Love this post! And NPR! The same thing has happened to me.

    And I thought Garrison Keillor was all mine! Can we share?
    Becky

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  7. Look, Mary Alice and I are busy duking it out over Garrison. Go get your mancake somewhere else.

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  8. Ummmmm yeah.....Garrison is totally either mine or SCs...if we ever finish the arm wrestling match, we'll let you know which one of us gets to have Garrison's love children.

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  9. Personally, I think Garrison can cure all ills. His voice alone.

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  10. Ah, the joys of NPR!! And the potential for a day without coffee - dangerous, that. My survival trick is to fill the coffeemaker the night before so I just have to sleepwalk into the kitchen and push the "ON" button.

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  11. I used to be a coffee addict. No, that should be "Hi my name is Nan, and I am a recovering coffee addict". I'm good now, and when I make Sean's coffee I just INHALE! The best smell in the world. Sorry I missed all the fun the last few days! I tried to get onto your Blog, honest! I need to tweak my wok lid, or cut down a few trees, for a better connection.

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  12. If I make the coffee, it's 8 cups of water and 6 LEVEL scoops of coffee. If he makes it, it's 8 cups of water and 6 ROUNDED scoops of coffee. I hate his, he hates mine. But the 29 year marriage is not in danger.

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  13. Oh, there is nothing worse than starting your day with a crappy cup of coffee...yes, definitely blame NPR.
    I tend to listen more on the weekends...Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and CarTalk.

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  14. Still wrapping my head around the idea of making one's own jam.

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  15. Well... NPR is a fascinating show, and you hadn't had your coffee yet. It's all about progression, I am sure the next pot was perfect.

    (Great blog btw)

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  16. Oh, me too, about the coffee. It's not pretty.

    I'm impressed with your pre-coffee jam-making ability!

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Spill it, reader.