Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Idiots & Heroes

Dear New Story Hour Librarian:

We recognize you're no Mrs. VH (who by now has embraced her retirement and we are still trying to forgive her). But a few tips for future story hours:
* lay down ground rules for parents and kids
* stick to your ground rules (when you let 2 kids walk around and stand DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE STORY BOOK, it's basically a free pass for the rest of the group)
* WTF? You get up and let kids climb on your chair while you're doing a finger play with the rest of the group?
* more stories, less singing
* more books, less finger plays
* more reading & pictures, the kids can't read so they can't tell you which words on the page rhymed
* more expression in voice & face--your monotone is KILLING the stories.

Sincerely,
The Mom in the Back Glaring at You


Dear Fellow Story Hour Moms,

Control your kids or go home. You're wrecking story hour for the rest of us--you know, the two cute boys SITTING on the story rug, hand in laps, trying to see the story THROUGH your child's body which is now STANDING directly in front of the librarian and story book? Your kid isn't cute and your inability to discipline them to behave in public isn't doing anyone any favors.

Sincerely,
The Mom Glaring at You, Too
(Especially YOU!)



Dear New Police Liason Officer,

I understand you grilled my son after I dropped him off at school this morning. He is nine, so by law he does not need to wear a helmet on our ATV. And because I live across the field from the school, I drive him to school on the ATV in inclement weather because have you SEEN the car pool lane? If anything, you should thank me for alleviating the traffic. I think you have bigger fish to fry than banning my ATV from school property--we've been doing this without incident for 5 years and I'm unaware of any violation of laws on the books. Because it's your first day, I'll let it slide. In the future, I hope you'll appreciate our collective situation and worry about the boneheads driving cars in a congested parking lot, leaving Mr. T and me to our solitary business through the back fields.

Thanks,
Mr. T's Mom


Dear Big Daddy,

Thanks for bringing Mr. T to Boy Scouts and committing to help him with it. It means a lot to him and I think it's going to be huge for him this next year. You're a great dad.

Love,
Yo Wife

11 comments:

  1. This is why I would like laser beams to shoot out of my eyes.

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  2. At least your day ended on a good note!

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  3. At least your day ended on a good note!

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  4. I can't stand it when parents don't control their kids at storytimes. The storyteller shouldn't have to stop reading 800 times to tell the kids to sit down. If your kid can't sit still for story time, don't take them. Why do you think I don't take my boys? ;)

    It is not like you are speading through the woods with your kid on the atv or something. Sheesh, dude! And why question the kid? Why not discuss with the parent. Oh brother.

    Love the last letter. :)

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  5. Yaaa know? Somedays if it wasn't for the good husbands....well...let's just say things wouldn't be so good.

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  6. I think I'd have gone ballistic on the other mom.

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  7. So glad you get to go home to the Hero after a long day of dealing with idiots.

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  8. (Dare I ask) -- which library?
    This new story time person must learn to handle the crowd, or the story time will end up cancelled for lack of participation.

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  9. I was the mom who said something to the kids who were rude. Hey, if their own parents aren't going to teach them . . .!

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  10. Oh, it's so hard to break in a new story hour librarian...
    And why do so many parents opt to sit in that congested traffic? I never got that.

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  11. This is exactly why I am the hermit that I am.

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Spill it, reader.