Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Green Girl demonstrates Grinch-like tendencies


This just in: Green Girl has epiphany about why her shoulders tense, her head aches, her gut clenches and her eyes glaze over when people start talking about Christmas. It took her years of soul-searching and confusion to come to terms with this primal reaction towards a season filled with joy and jolliness, but when the snow flew this weekend and her children began clamoring to deck their halls with boughs of holly and trim a Christmas tree? She suddenly understood why she instinctively began snapping at them (even taking a small nip out of Mr. G's cute left ear).

Two words, people, two words.

Decorating.

Shopping.

Two things Green Girl despises and two things required/demanded/expected of Christmastime. Imagine a major holiday that required scrubbing toilets, getting cavities filled at the dentist's and deciphering tax forms--that's kind of what December looks like through Green Girl's goggles. Now that she's narrowed down the source of her misery, the challenge remains: How does one "do" Christmas without shopping and decorating?

Please don't reply, "Good luck with that."

22 comments:

  1. Umm. You don't. Sorry. Have to do the decorating and shopping. It's in the Bible. ;)

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  2. Well, on-line shopping is a bit less tedious then actually having to drive somewhere and deal with parking and other people - so that's one. Two, travel for the holidays and never have to decorate your own house again! Oh wait - that's what we do. The kids get to decorate not one, not two, but at least three trees all at other people's houses.

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  3. Lots and lots of egg nog. Double the liquor. That is for the decorating. Oh, and stay in your pajamas. Makes your mind think it is a day off.

    Shopping, well, when you figure out how to make that tolerable, let me know.

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  4. I'm not a big fan of Christmas either. It's a whole lot of work up for one hour of opening presents and one hour of dinner. Then two+ hours of clean up. We usually save the school pics til Christmas, buy frames at the dollar store, and give those out as presents. The only decorating I do is ornaments and decorations that my son has made at school/church/rainy afternoons. We rent some movies (don't have cable - another no no in today's society) and visit whichever relative is doing a big dinner. Thankfully I live within ten minutes of Nana, MIL, and SIL. My first Christmas with my son he was only two months old and I didn't want to take him out of the house, so we ordered pizza. I got called Grinch AND un-American.

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  5. I second the online shopping. Also, make the team do the decorating! AND the un-decorating.

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  6. I am so the SAME way. And now that i have kids, it makes the not decorating and shopping thing much more unlikely.

    As far as decorating: I put the tree up and a few odds and ends here and there to make it look "Christmasy" without going to great lengths.

    RE the shopping: It's mostly online. I cannot abide malls.

    Still! I love the holidays. And I'd love 'em even more if they weren't so much work...

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  7. Online shopping and let the boys decorate the tree themselves.

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  8. "home made" 2 words. :)

    Although I love Kat's answer.

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  9. Keep it simple. I would skip the outdoor lights, but Husband likes to do it. So i let him.
    I don't like the mall scene, so Amazon is my best friend for shopping. Try Wantnot.net for bargains galore!

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  10. Oh, NO Green Girl!! Just as I was thinking we must have been twins separated at birth or something... I LOVE Christmas!

    Let's see, what can I suggest?

    *We have no TV. So we don't have to try and keep up with all THAT stuff, and my kids don't get why everyone wants a Power Ranger. They want slingshot pellets and guitar strings and a new bike. So, unplug the TV and let Peace reign.

    *Know that you will get very little sleep, and that's okay. You can sleep in January.

    *Know that your kids will not die if they don't get everything they want. And they will not die if they get less than their friends. Sean and I experimented with this last Christmas, because we hated the waste and overextravagance of previous years, and our kids were very happy.

    *Buy CD of beautiful Carols, sung by the boys of Winchester Cathedral or something. Play over and over.

    *Get the Christmas shopping done THIS WEEKEND! ALL OF IT! I am behind on this, I usually get it done in September! There are some great sales right now, by the way.

    *Get a big "Nutcracker", stand it by the door, and voila! You have decorated! Make doing the tree a family thing. It's okay if all of the decorations are on one lower left branch. Just hang the delicate ones up high. I hate lights, but just pretend you like them, okay?

    *I love wrapping presents, and make it into a whole production. But you can always hire a neighbourhood teenager to do it for you, and no-one will be any the wiser.

    *Eat, drink and be merry for in January we diet!

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  11. Definitely online shopping...even though I like the mall, online shopping rocks.

    As for decorating, there's no saying you have to make the house look like Martha Stewart threw up in it. Go for the tree and leave it at that.

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  12. I think you can just get away with the tree. You don't have to deck every hall.

    As far as extended family gifts go, just get them all gift certificates to the movie theater or a restaurant.

    The boys, however... You're just going to have to bite that bullet and shop. Or make your man do the dirty work.

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  13. henh, henh, henh... Good luck with that! (I'm running away as fast as crutches will carry me!) - just kidding...

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  14. Far less tedious, yes, but allow yourself a foray to the bookstore...at the very least. And books are SO EASY TO WRAP!!

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  15. I do some on-line shopping, some things I make. For neighbors and special teachers I make homemade cinnamon rolls that can be frozen - then thawed and baked on some cold February morning that is in need of cinnamon cheer.

    I hate hate hate to go shopping. I can't stand the pushing and shoving and parking and frantic stress of all the people. Yuck.

    We have an advent wreath on the dinner table and try to make the advent season special, with lighting the candles each night, doing the readings....the rituals slow things down and give it richer meaning.

    We have a tree each year, and put a wreath on the door...but that's it. I don't do lights, I don't do plastic decorations. I keep it simple. We draw names amongst my siblings and get to enjoy doing something really special for that one sibling. The kids (under 18) all get individual gifts.

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  16. If you aren't picky about how it's done, let the boys decorate.

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  17. Take the family on vacation to the beach for 3 weeks :)

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  18. Let me know when you figure it out. It does help somewhat to do as much with the kids as possible because they still find Christmas to be magical. Their wonder helps to somewhat squelch my inner Grinch.

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  19. I've come to hate those things too. There's a lot of pressure to put on a big production with precious little help. Can you tell I went Christmas shopping this morning? I'm feeling pretty Grinchy, too.

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  20. Gift cards ~ just takes a minute to buy (sometimes you can get them at the grocery store) and recipients can go shopping themselves!

    As for decorating... well, make the kids do it?

    That's all I got!

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  21. I do a little decorating, starting after Thanksgiving.. candle here and there and a few other things I really love.

    My husband's birthday is Dec 17th and when we got married, we started the tradition of putting up the tree the week of his birthday.

    My family gave up buying for all the adults a few years ago. We pull all the kid's names out of a hat on Thanksgiving Day.That allows us to spend a little more on a couple of kids, than just a little bit on 10 kids. We usually do a little "family" gift for each sibling's family....usually a few little handmade things.

    My kids grew up with us usually living on a tight budget. My daughter told her friends. "We can make a list, but we always put the 2 we want most at the top, because that's what we always get"

    Sometimes if we had the extra money, we went down the list to get something extra.
    Our Christmas has become fairly stress-free as far as the shopping goes.

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Spill it, reader.