Friday, December 12, 2008

Like a Virgin

As requested, this is the
Dirty Snowball recipe from what I can figure.

Pour Irish cream, creme de cacao, Kahlua coffee liqueur and milk into a cocktail shaker half-filled with cracked ice or into blender. Shake well, until frothy or blend. Repeat as needed.

No photos as I left my camera at home last night. I promise to wear my Christmas brooch-embellished sweater again soon and will take a picture of it.

As the child of faithful Protestant parents (we were Lutheran, Baptist, and Evangelical-free depending on the town), I had an opportunity every December to be part of our church's Christmas pageant. No matter where we lived or what church we attended, the same story was told in the same fashion. Angels, shepherds, a crate full of hay and
Silent Night were inevitable components. Every year I yearned to be cast as Mary.

She's the star, you know, of the whole Christmas production. Sure, it's about Jesus, but every self-respecting pageant director casts a large plastic doll in that role, so
obviously Mary is the star performer. Mary gets to wear the blue robe. She's the only girl part--surrounded as she is by Joseph, shepherds and wise men from afar (everyone knows the heavenly host are really boys, but since they come in a big choir, it doesn't matter anyway). A nearly wordless role, the entire audience focuses on Mary while she looks pure and holy and wonderous, gazing at the bundle in her arms.

And being chosen to play Mary meant you were a Good Girl. A Role Model. Someone Sweet and Righteous and Well-Liked by adults.

Oh how I wished to be Mary.

For three years in a row I got cast as a shepherd. I wore my dad's beige bathrobe with the dark brown trim and a towel bound around my head. I poked at little kids dressed like sheep with my staff and brushed the dust bunnies off my shoulders because my father never actually wore that bathrobe. It only came out of his closet to be worn by his daughter, the Christmas pageant shepherd.

Then, in response to a shortage of boys in my Sunday School class one year, I was brought up from the ranks to play a wise man. My props were upgraded to fancy crown and gigantic glass vase. It was a better role to showcase my thespian skills, but still not Mary.

In other years I made it in and out of the angel choir and in one particularly ambitious production I played the innkeeper's wife--a female role with 2 lines and second billing to the innkeeper himself. By the time I'd outgrown the pageant, I'd played every part except Mary--and Joseph, which really isn't much of a role.

After all of that wishing and hoping only to be denied the role of the Virgin Mary every single year, it shouldn't have shocked anyone too badly when I decided I wanted to become this virgin when I was a teenager:

If I couldn't be a virgin, I could be Like a Virgin


  1. Very funny. I'm having flashbacks of fingerless gloves.

  2. My son is going to be a shepherd this year. He chose it over an angel because, hey, everyone knows angels are girly. I mentioned that the most powerful angels in the bible are both dudes -- Gabriel and Michael. He looked at me doubtfully, turned to his Sunday school teacher, and with a note of finality in his voice said, "Definitely shepherd."

    As for me, I had an older sister with a beautiful singing voice, pale skin and dark, naturally curly hair. She was Mary every dang year. (No, I'm not still resentful...) The only thing worse than being passed over for the Virgin of all Virgins is to be passed up for your sister -- again.

    ;) Thanks for the post! -MM

  3. I {{pout}} never got to be Mary either.

  4. so sorry..poor you :)
    you crack me up!

  5. hahahaha! I did get to be Joseph one year....

  6. I was never Mary, either. Finally I revolted and sang in the choir and eventually dated the guy who carried the cross every week. It just wan't the same.

    Somehow I never pictured you liking Like a Virgin Miss~

  7. Well, y'know, Madonna is as Madonna does. (Yowch. Just about got struck by some random lightening bolt)

  8. In our church play one poor boy had to wear his sister's pink bathrobe every year (who knew that Wise Men wore pink?)

    Don't hate me. I got to be Mary. In a slideshow. With a real donkey.

    I just remember arguing with my mom because she made me pin the stupid thing on my head under my chin on one side and I wanted to let it flow like a bridal veil.

    Those pictures have to be around somewhere. Must find them.

  9. Hehehehe. Too funny!

    Sooooo, any pics of you in Madonna-like hoochiewear?

  10. I want to see photos of you Like A Virgin.

  11. That's hilarious. At least you got human roles, I was a sheep. Baa.

    Oh, and thanks for the recipe. I was hoping you'd post it.

  12. Hi,
    Congratulations....Your posting is very interesting...Keep writing.. Welcome to my blog...
    Wishing you in advance "A Merry X'Mas and A Happy New Year''

  13. In our Catholic church they used a live baby.
    Some family always had an infant at Christmas.
    Actually, I think it was the SAME family that always had an infant at Christmas!

  14. I did a lot of theater when I was young and even did dinner theaters up until the kids got busy with their own acting.

    I never did play Mary but my husband played Joseph one year. So ?...sort of.

  15. The Dirty Snowball sounds delish! I was more of a Madonna to than a Mary!

  16. Sulk, sulk - I only got to be the angel gabriel...
    ....I want to see the photographic evidence of the Madge look!

  17. We never had a pageant growing up, but my kids did in France, and I remember all the girls wanting to be Mary. Sarah got to do it one time, but not sure if that was a good idea, since my toddler Sam, seeing his big sister by the manger, felt quite comfortable marching over and running off with Baby Jesus!

    And YUM--that drink sounds too good!

  18. Maybe you could dress up as Madonna,any persona will do,while riding Jen(you know who)around the estate on the ATV and I will take the pictures.

    P.S. Don't forget the rebel yelling whilst lookin holy y'all.

    Christmas ...It brings out the best in us.

  19. I always wanted to be Mary too, but was never chosen.
    Your recipe looks delicious.

  20. That was a totally cute story!

    I went through the same progressions myself!

  21. I like to think you could make your dad's beige robe work for all the roles--up to wise man and even Madonna (just wear a pointy-boobed bra underneath).

  22. You forgot blonde. All the Mary's I've ever seen are always yellow-haired. Hardly accurate, I'd say.

  23. I was in my 20s when that album came out. Briefly, I considered wearing my bra the way Madonna did. But I didn't.

  24. Ahhh... I had those awful lace gloves in black, white and several neon colors along with a host of rubber bangle bracelets. Thankfully, I was never corseted.

    And my little one's speaking role was as a shepherd. She got to wear a hoodie sweater, jeans, and boots with fleece instead of the super-cool bathrobe. Shepherds are my favorite right now.

  25. Funny story. Sorry you didn't get to play Mary.

    I was forced to be in a Christmas play, and all I got to do was hold up a stocking. Only they ran out of stockings and made me hold up someone's dirty kneesock.


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