Monday, February 9, 2009

you know you want to know

Our room overlooked the Lake That Drained & Disappeared Last Spring--kind of an eerie view from the balcony, isn't it? Nevertheless, we had much wine--7-8 bottles to be approximate. And many pots of coffee, brownies, chocolates, fresh fruit, cheese, and a king-sized bowl of banana pudding. Being around my very smart girlfriends made me feel alive again--witty, stimulated and relaxed all at once. I wonder if this is what happens when people take Ecstacy?

And then, oh my goodness I indulged. The Purifying Bath Ritual at Pretentious Spa involves exfoliating before the sauna which cleared out my sinuses like nobody's business. Then I sat in the hot tub and did the cold bath plunge TWICE to defrost my muscles. Fully relaxed and in a Uber-Soft Robe, I went outside to sit in another hot tub before swimming in the outdoor pool. This? Was lovely. Floating on my back among snowbanks on a balmy February afternoon. Sigh.

I digress. You really want to know all about the mud wrapping. Lying on a plastic tarp atop a heated bed, the Spa Slave slathered Hungarian Mud all over my legs, arms, back and belly. This mud had exfoliating and detoxifying powers--and then I got vacuum sealed in that plastic tarp like a DVD. Then the Spa Slave swaddled me in the heating blanket before treating me to a face and scalp massage.

So far, very good. But then? Then a long arm with 8 shower heads pounded across my body after she unwrapped me. Not unlike a car wash, I got pelted and pummeled with hot water and the Hungarian Mud disappeared down the floor drain--along with all my tension, stress and worries.

The trouble first started when the Spa Slave asked me to roll over so she could do my back. My muscles had gone so slack that I couldn't move. With supreme willpower, I heaved myself over and let the Vichy Shower finish me off.

Asleep and drooling, my eyelids fluttered to half-mast when the Spa Slave told me to redress and meet her outside the room where she was going to wait with a special tea prepared for me.

When my legs could function properly, I took my tea and sat outside by the fireplace and watched the stars overhead--all my chakras aligned and in their proper place--I had reached A State of Zenlike Bliss, my skin glowed, my muscles were reenergized, my spirit felt peaceful.

My return home on Sunday was about what you'd expect: Mr. G woke up at midnight from a nightmare and wanted to crawl in with me. An hour later Mr. T woke me up to tell me he'd puked all over the carpet upstairs. While scrubbing the carpet in my pajamas, I looked over at Mr. B's bed and discovered he was missing. I later found him in a fort in the playroom. Within hours Team Testosterone yanked my chakras out of alignment.

25 comments:

  1. That sounds heavenly - well, the spa part anyways.

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  2. What a paradise!
    I bet even out of alignment you're still glowing!

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  3. What a heavenly paradise! Just what you needed! Especially when you come home to face vomit.
    I hope you can get some peace back. ;)

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  4. That sounds like an absolutely perfect getaway. I'm so very jealous.

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  5. Suppose you already know that the nightmare, vomit, and MIA business is just kidspeak for "missed you, Mommy:)"
    And what a great get-away! I promptly consumed a piece of chocolate upon reading.

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  6. Well, at least you had a few hours of alignment. It sounds wonderful--would you believe I've never been to a spa?

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  7. I bet it felt wonderful to just get away for a little bit. Sounds like team testosterone was feeling jealous that you got to play in the mud, not them. (Hope everyone feels better!)

    Ohhmmmm.....

    ;D - Julia

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  8. Okay, so the homecoming could use a little work, but HOLY HALLELUJAH that weekend sounds divine.

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  9. Ah, life has a way of rearing its ugly head. I hope all straightens out for you.

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  10. Oh that sounded lovely... Maybe you should have just stayed at the Spa? You could get a job there, warming the tarp?

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  11. "Spa Slave"

    I. am. so. jealous.

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  12. It sounds absolutely incredible.

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  13. Sounds like you were pretty close to Kalahari Resort, huh? I was there in early October, photographing a wedding there for friends. Neat place.

    So sorry that you had to retreat from your weekend experience so quickly, when you got back home in Lake W. country. Sounds like you ladies had a great weekend, though... That's cool.

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  14. Wow, I imagine that is what heaven is like.

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  15. Damn reality. It is such a bummer.

    I'm glad you had a wonderful weekend.

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  16. And here I was, beginning to hate you for telling all about your fantastic time, only to find myself cringing and knowing how it feels to return to reality. I can empathize.

    Hope everyone is running at full speed ahead again. Nothing says "We love you mom!" better than upchucking.

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  17. Sounds fantastic. I get to go on my own lovely girls weekend in just a few days. Although I am not going to get slathered in mud. It does sound truly delightful.

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  18. Oh so typical. But it was worth it to have those memories and giggles.

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  19. Oh man. Just what the doctor ordered. Then reality stepped in, eh?

    At least you have the memories!

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  20. That sounds like very close to the most perfect weekend ever. (very close because my own perfect weekend would include some "special time" with Himself)

    I'm fixated on the heated bed and Hungarian mud - oh, to be so completely warm!

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  21. Ahhhh.... you obviously deserved the spa slave treatment.

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  22. I've never had girl's weekend and I've never been to a spa.

    I think Team Testosterone should send you for a booster weekend every now and then.

    Any woman living in a house full of guys deserves an occasional pampering.

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  23. They did a Simpson's episode like this years ago. The kids go to camp. Homer and Marge start to have a normal relationship again. Homer loses all this weight. Life is looking up. Within ten minutes of kids' return, the bulge in Homer's stomach magically reappears. I thought it was hilarious. I didn't have kids then. I do now. Now, I so get it!

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  24. Oh so jealous! Well, not about the vomit part :) But still! Good for you on the spa trip - you deserve it.

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Spill it, reader.