Our room overlooked the Lake That Drained & Disappeared Last Spring--kind of an eerie view from the balcony, isn't it? Nevertheless, we had much wine--7-8 bottles to be approximate. And many pots of coffee, brownies, chocolates, fresh fruit, cheese, and a king-sized bowl of banana pudding. Being around my very smart girlfriends made me feel alive again--witty, stimulated and relaxed all at once. I wonder if this is what happens when people take Ecstacy?
And then, oh my goodness I indulged. The Purifying Bath Ritual at Pretentious Spa involves exfoliating before the sauna which cleared out my sinuses like nobody's business. Then I sat in the hot tub and did the cold bath plunge TWICE to defrost my muscles. Fully relaxed and in a Uber-Soft Robe, I went outside to sit in another hot tub before swimming in the outdoor pool. This? Was lovely. Floating on my back among snowbanks on a balmy February afternoon. Sigh.
I digress. You really want to know all about the mud wrapping. Lying on a plastic tarp atop a heated bed, the Spa Slave slathered Hungarian Mud all over my legs, arms, back and belly. This mud had exfoliating and detoxifying powers--and then I got vacuum sealed in that plastic tarp like a DVD. Then the Spa Slave swaddled me in the heating blanket before treating me to a face and scalp massage.
So far, very good. But then? Then a long arm with 8 shower heads pounded across my body after she unwrapped me. Not unlike a car wash, I got pelted and pummeled with hot water and the Hungarian Mud disappeared down the floor drain--along with all my tension, stress and worries.
The trouble first started when the Spa Slave asked me to roll over so she could do my back. My muscles had gone so slack that I couldn't move. With supreme willpower, I heaved myself over and let the Vichy Shower finish me off.
Asleep and drooling, my eyelids fluttered to half-mast when the Spa Slave told me to redress and meet her outside the room where she was going to wait with a special tea prepared for me.
When my legs could function properly, I took my tea and sat outside by the fireplace and watched the stars overhead--all my chakras aligned and in their proper place--I had reached A State of Zenlike Bliss, my skin glowed, my muscles were reenergized, my spirit felt peaceful.
My return home on Sunday was about what you'd expect: Mr. G woke up at midnight from a nightmare and wanted to crawl in with me. An hour later Mr. T woke me up to tell me he'd puked all over the carpet upstairs. While scrubbing the carpet in my pajamas, I looked over at Mr. B's bed and discovered he was missing. I later found him in a fort in the playroom. Within hours Team Testosterone yanked my chakras out of alignment.