Friday, May 1, 2009

the typical & unexpected

An hour after I wrote yesterday's post Mr. D called me from his office. Matt had called him to say "Stuff had come up and it will be at least 2 weeks before he will be able to come work at our house." I hung up and called my first choice--he should drop by today or Monday latest. There's a chance--the slender thread of hope--that I'll get my garden planted on Mother's Day.
***

Last night we had another breach on Mr. D's side of the bed (naturally--he is the weakest link and the enemy knows it). The boys know the Fear Card works like a charm. I stand firm, cede no territory on our mattress and relegate them to a spot on the couch or on our floor in a sleeping bag (kept handily beneath my bedside table). They don't even attempt to gain access on my side of the bed anymore. They go right to Mr. D, the midnight whimper and terrified sobs exquisitely effective in breaking down his defenses.

When the child started his assault on my side of the bed, I retreated upstairs to the guest bedroom and discovered 2 kids sleeping on the floor. Then I went to their empty bedroom, but the thought that the bed I lay on might be wet had me retracing my tracks to the couch. Lady Vi joined me, her steady purr and the clock's steady ticking lulled me at least to sleep--again vanquished in the Bedroom Wars.

***
The Foot Odor Wars have begun. When I was a teenager I had the most horrific foot odor. Unfortunately, the cool look in the 80's was Tretorn sneakers without socks (regardless of where you lived--Georgia or Wisconsin, fashion dictated by Seventeen Magazine overruled common sense). My parents insisted I leave my sneakers in the garage--they stunk up the whole house.
T's started wearing his Heelys without socks and the smell is overwhelming. Last night he sat next to me at B's karate graduation and no one else sat near us. I blamed his foot odor since the school was packed and 2 people who initially sat beside us got up and moved away. For the entire hour I breathed in his stench, that awful precursor of other body odors certain to take over our house within the next few years.

When we got home I took the Heelys to the back porch and filled them with baking soda. Didn't matter, the damage was done. I opened the laundry room door this morning and all I can smell is raunchy feet. I can't even be that mad because I know he inherited the stinky feet gene from me.


A lot of the things I learned in childhood are essentially useless in my adult life (tap dancing, weaving potholders, the lyrics to Mary Poppins). Obviously other knowlege (swimming, riding a bike, cross-stitching, folding perfect paper airplanes) comes in handy. However, I never counted on baton lessons proving useful. Apparently, if you can twirl baton, you're set to handle nunchuckas and kamas. Who knew?


This knowlege makes me take majorettes more seriously.


What childhood lessons surprise you with their usefulness?

31 comments:

  1. About the boy's stinky feet, have you tried scrubbing them with a nail brush and deodorant soap, then drying every square millimeter thoroughly afterward? You might also try powdering his feet before he puts his shoes on.

    As for his shoes, wash them in a strong bleach/detergent solution in hot water, then set them in the sun to dry.

    This message brought you by Ellie of the Stinky Feet's mom...

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  2. Sigh. I have always ENCOURAGED the boys to get into my bed, but they seem to feel that it's for babies. Except for Max, who IS the baby, and now that he is all elbows and knees and feet I am rethinking my strategy. I have finally started to say "Dude. Stay in your bed and just come for a cuddle in the morning." It's the end of an era. Sean is away so much that it has never been a problem before.

    My childhood skill? Hmmmm. Cooking. Singing! Who said that bursting into Mary Poppins wasn't a useful skill?!

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  3. Maybe I'm way off base but I've always thought that stinky feet had more to do with the shoes than the feet. Leather or otherwise breathable insoles and outsoles make all the difference in the foot odor wars. Remember Vans? Rubberized insoles, outsoles and... Pee-yew!

    Hey, I twirled a baton as a kid too! So that means I could be a ninja princess warrior too?! Awesome.

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  4. I've tried the baking soda thing, too. Then the shoes are gritty and they don't want to wear them :(

    I guess cooking is the most useful skill I picked up. Life's too short to eat crummy food.

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  5. Hmmm childhood abilities translated to today...I suppose the ability to keep myself busy all on my own. I wish I had something as cool as batons translating to martial art! I would be terribly dangerous to myself and other with a baton let alone anything more serious!

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  6. Musical beds. Ugh. Stinky feet. Ugh. The mental image of majorettes wielding nunchuckas. Hilarious.

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  7. I had those tretorns! I loved them. But I always wore them with low-cut socks (called peds then, don't know why). If you wear cotton socks, you're not going to get those stinky shoes. Make your boys wear socks.

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  8. I have a stinky foot girl. It's terrible.

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  9. supercalifragilisticexpialadocious... even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious...if you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious! Super Cali Fragi Listic Expi-ala-docious!!

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  10. Try using under arm deodorant spray on the feet!

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  11. Ahhh Tretorns! Brings me back....makes me wanna watch "Can't Buy Me Love."

    I agree with the deodorant idea -- it works!

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  12. I, too, know the lyrics to Mary Poppins, so we could ACE a karaoke night!

    Sean has the stinky foot gene from his sperm donor and he uses some kind of powder that works! I'll get the name and send it to you~

    Did you ever think you'd be hankering for DIRT!

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  13. I'm sure my house will be filled with horrible smelling feet in no time. Oh dear.

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  14. my 3.5 year old is still in her crib in an effort to keep her out of our bed, actually she is getting a bed soon, just haven't done so yet because my parents are giving her one this summer for FREE

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  15. I put the kids shoes in the locker at the Y the other day and nearly passed out. They also got that from me. My shoes had to stay on the porch, even in winter.

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  16. Hehehe. I do wonder if stinky feet are genetic.

    We used to joke about "stinky Jones' feet" (the name isn't really jones but stinky feet was something everybody in my ex's family had)which they joked about amongst themselves.

    One of Big Kid's therapists over the years chided me about "giving my son a negative self-image and 'dissing' my ex to him by calling it 'stinky jones' feet".

    This same therapist told me that Big Kid had ADHD only because he "felt unwanted in the womb".

    Big fat freaking eyeball roll here.

    LOL

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  17. weeding! I always had to weed the flowerbeds. Now, I love it. Perfectly mindless and such a reward when you're done. ;-)

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  18. the tretorns! he tretorns! i love them....

    and the weaving of potholders..... totally useless, but i was obsessed for awhile...

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  19. Oh the bedroom wars! I thought we'd survived them, but now that my husband has been out of town for a full week, my three youngest kids have been fighting over who can sleep with me.

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  20. Put the shoes in the freezer over night! Works everytime - and you have to repeat it, say once a week. And this is coming to you all the way from Tretorn country...Yes, they're Swedish.
    About childhood lessons: Kids in my neighbourhood knew dead certain that if you drank wine and had a carrot with it you'd die. I'm still alive and I've never once had carrots with my merlot, see?

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  21. The home ec class in ninth grade prepared me for all the sewing I would be doing, both due to necessity and also to make baby quilts as gifts.

    And chalk foot odor up as one more thing we have in common. When I first met my BFF at the tender age of 12, I remembered her because she had the biggest boobs I had ever seen and she remembered me because I had the stinkiest feet she had ever smelled due to my choosing to not wear socks.

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  22. With 9 kids in my family and only one t.v., I learned how to read to entertain myself as a kid. Still reading after all these years. :)

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  23. While I have to disagree that a knowledge of the lyrics to Mary Poppins are, in fact, useless as an adult (to a crabby, sick child, sing "Just a spoonful of sugar..." before he hurls on you), I take your point on all else. Possible pee and stinky feet are just my kinds of topics.

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  24. Time spent learning Mary Poppins music is not time wasted! I'm sure you've hummed "spoon full of sugar" while doing an icky job a time or two!

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  25. Smelly feet...brings a flashback moment. My BF of 40+ years and I shared a studio apartment back in the 70's. Her feet smelled soooo B-A-D!!! :(
    Every night before we went to bed, I would make her wash her feet in Ajax. Can you imagine? It actually was pretty hilarious to both of us.
    I would brag to her and anyone within ear shot about my orderless tootsies. Well menopause has her revenge. Hot flashes brings sweat to every pore. I get the occasional stinky feet. The cure (they say) is a good soak in tea.
    The tannic acid (according to Doc Oz) is what kills the stink. If mine ever get that bad I may just pour my breakfast tea over my feet instead of my cup.

    Sweet wishes,
    Sara

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  26. switch sides of the fortress. but go deep undercover. then when the enemy approaches, terrified sobs at the ready, burst from beneath your cover. they are sure to retreat, defeated!

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  27. Childhood lessons that have been useful: reading music, I suppose, but also being forced to learn poems and bits of Shakespeare of by heart. When I'm taken hostage by a criminal gang, I shall be able to take my mind off things by murmuring to myself, "The quality of mercy is not strained..." etc. Also cats' cradles - if they leave me a bit of string I shall while away the time by making shapes with it.

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  28. That's "off" by heart.... Argh.

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  29. I'm still hoping the fact that I can recite 1970s commercials by heart comes in handy one of these days. You know, "Nyquil, the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching stuffy head, fever so you can rest medicine?" Or, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese on a sesame seed bun." Obscure talent that has yet to pay off, but I haven't given up hope yet!

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  30. *heehee!* That 'practice sword' brings back memories...my ex-husband was into martial arts and we had a couple of them we used to spar with...
    I guess the number one thing I learned in childhood that is absolutely indispensable ~ good manners. Etiquette is about making others around you comfortable, not about snobbery and absolute correctness at any cost.
    My mom taught me some good everyday skills though...how to hook up a stereo on my own, drawing and painting, sewing, being comfortable in general with a toolbox, taking deep breaths when you're upset...

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  31. I had plaid tretorns... Sigh...

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Spill it, reader.