Thursday, June 18, 2009

Mal Mere

Oh mah holy hell, my vodka & cheese loving pal Hotfessional tagged me for a Mommy Meme.

Since school's let out and I'm drowning in the energy and yelling and fighting and demanding that means Team Testosterone has taken over, this is a therapeutic exercise for me. (Just give me a moment while I kick the Nerf blasters, toy dinosaur and Lego structures out of the way. There. Now I'm comfortable.) And I think it's worth mentioning that the only reason I'm writing today is because it's 6:00 a.m. and they're still sleeping and for some reason I'm wide awake so I'm taking advantage of the PEACE AND QUIET.

Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you’ve written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It’s over with, it’s in the past. Remember, you’re a good mom!

Two years ago, before his dyslexia was diagnosed, in a fit of frustration over The Homework Table I yelled to Mr. T: "If you don't start trying harder, you'll have to repeat 3rd grade! If you're not old enough to take this seriously, you deserve to be held back!"

I felt terrible that I didn't get him. I felt lousy that I'd watched him have seizures and wrote them off for months as "just daydreaming." I felt miserable that we had to medicate him and that it took almost 12 months to medicate him correctly. It pissed me off that he didn't seem to care, didn't want to try, would sit mulishly at the table looking wildly around the room and insist he "didn't know 5 X 3" even though I'd devised a dozen ways to explain multiplication. I was wrung out and sick of it--

And then at P/T conferences his teacher recommended we hold him back. After we got the dyslexia diagnosed. After I realized his brain could not function normally not because he was stubborn but because the neurons misfired information around on him. When my threat of punishment became an actual reality--"You don't try hard so you'll repeat a grade"after I learned he HAD been trying I felt sick. And ashamed. Pretty much like the Worst Mother Ever.

To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!

1. My sons are creative--all 3 of my kids don't have nor need video games to entertain them. They don't need TV or a grown up to direct their fun. They come up with their own fun, their own storylines, their own rules--and it's always original and wonderful. And messy. They have an arsenal of plastic weaponry yet they'll make guns out of Tinker Toys to play with. Awesome.

2. They mostly get along. They voluntarily share a bedroom--all 3 of them--even though they don't have to. They respect each other's space and possessions. Mr. B will tell you, "That's Mr. T's" and mean it.

3. Whether I'm returning from grocery shopping or a weekend with my girlfriends, all 3 kids greet me with the same enthusiasm--yelling, hugging and smiling.

4. I love the funny routines they each have. The particular ways they have to do things and the favorite clothes they prefer. It pleases me to see them be themselves, independent of anyone else's opinions or influence.

5. I love their affection and that they love mine. We're a kissy/huggy/hair ruffley/hand holdy kind of tribe. I never imagined that as part of motherhood, all the physical affection.

6. My sons all enjoy art--looking at pictures, drawing and coloring and painting. They all love to sing and dance. They love music and have an appreciation for different kinds (and I'm thankful they prefer "rock and roll" over rap).

7. My sons behave well towards others--grown ups and peers. They're sensitive to other people and show respect. While I may hate how awful they behave for me, it's nice to know that when they're around others I can count on their good behavior--at school, church, karate, play dates, anywhere.

Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be! Remember to send them a note to let them know you’ve selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!

Midwest Moms

Amy's World

The Adventures of a Farmer's Wife

Things I've Found in Pockets

Seeking Sanity





16 comments:

  1. We went through similar stuff with G and E and their respective issues, so I understand the guilt. The important thing is that you got the help T needs and that you're moving forward.

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  2. #5. The affection. If your kids are like my kids, they'll be the same when they are 20-somethings.
    When I'm with one of them, there are always hugs, sofa snuggles, head rubs.

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  3. Now that I read that, I am for know for sure that our boys would get along....

    no v-games here
    no tv here
    just plain ol' fun on the farm....

    have a great day- and so glad you stopped by!

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  4. Aww...well I'm sure you know it's never too late to tell him you were wrong...
    "hey buddy...remember that time I yelled at you and told you you'd have to repeat a grade if you didn't try harder? That was when I didn't know about your dyslexia. I'm sorry I yelled at you and I know dyslexia is something you don't have control over, so it isn't your fault you had such a hard time..."
    * : )

    Well I'm confident you communicated something similar. You are a good mom! It's not wrong to be serious about one's education! Carry on!

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  5. What amazes me is how forgiving children are. Even when we get things wrong, if they know we have their best interests at heart and our trying to do our best, they forgive us. I just caught up on your blog--didn't realize you were dealing with more medical questions with T--here's hoping everything gets resolved soon.

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  6. Now that is a great meme. And I love your list of things you love. Fabulous! And as for the guilt we all have that in buckets.

    Thanks for the tag! :)

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  7. Ahhh, that was wonderful. You did a fabulous job writing about your pain/worst mommy moment. You know you are a good mom, and all those hugs/kisses/hair ruffles/hand-holding negates mistakes.

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  8. Ah, guilt. Yuck. But hair ruffling, huggy, creative, loving kids? Awesome. Especially since that does not happen by accident so often as by design.

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  9. Oh, you KNOW how much I need this right now! Thank you my friend.

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  10. You've been tagged for a meme on my blog!

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  11. I've been feeling subpar mom lately...so I love the idea of listing the 7 feel-good things. What a great thing to keep in mind.

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  12. Ohhh that's tough, you are an amazing mom, it comes through in everything you write.

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  13. Awesome post. I know that regret, worst mother in the world feeling too. I hate letting my kids down. Hate it. Thank God they seem pretty normal, despite my fumbling around at motherhood sometimes. Still, I wish those experiences were ones that didn't go along with parenthood.

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  14. Oh, I know that your heart broke on that one. But look at how well they've all turned out.

    Good job G.G. ;-)

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  15. I came here from Suburban Correspondent's blog cuz you remarked about needing a blog fresher-upper, and I thought I'd follow up on that lead, regardless of how indirect it was. ;) (I'm her blog fresher-upper-er.)

    I read this post and had to share that my oldest son (7 yo) has epilepsy and I can remember yelling at him when he was at his most medicated about why he couldn't even put his own underwear on. (He was 4/5 at the time.) It's one of my saddest memories of me as a parent.

    But, like one of your commenters said, it's amazing how forgiving children are when they really believe we are just doing our best and botch it up every once in a while. Bless you.

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