Friday, July 24, 2009

wanted: one perfect partner

for grappling, that is. You see, somewhere down the line my karate instructors got hooked on Judo, a form of martial arts that involves grappling which requires a lot of rolling around on the ground on top of and beneath one's opponent. I'm a small woman, 5'3", so realistically most of my "opponents" will be bigger than me. Everyone (except the kids in Little Ninjas class) outweighs me, no matter what cool moves Mr. O teaches me I'm at a complete disadvantage once I'm on the ground. There's no attack that a palm heel or a roundhouse kick to the groin can't deflect, in my opinion. I like to stay on my feet around the enemy, not attempt to engage them in a half-nelson.

But I'm at the mercy of Mr. O in the dojo, so grappling it is. When he commands it. Like last night.

My other gripe with grappling is you have to do it with a partner. Doing this with a guy? Ummmm....NO, thankyouverymuch. Not with my girlfriend's husband, not with a teenaged kid. Maybe with Colin Firth or George Clooney, but they haven't come to karate class. So last February I pair with a woman in class whose Germanic girth exceeds mine twice over (possibly more). When I had to roll her over between my legs? Her weight on the inside of my left kneecap pulled it enough that I spent months recovering from what was probably a strained ligament. Between her width and weight, it was nearly impossible for me to throw her off the "gar" position without further injury to my knee.

Last night's partner was another woman near my size--perfect, right? Eagerly I accepted the challenge of learning grappling with a woman whose booty approximated my own. Except for one thing: she has the most powerful B.O. Which when sparring her doesn't pose that much of a problem. But when wrapped within the grip of her choke hold? Caused me to choke before she tightened her arms around my throat. (I'm no stranger to B.O., I use prescription-strength deodorant myself. Maybe I should toss a bottle of it in her gear bag...)

Back to square one it seems. I just can't accept rolling around on the karate mats all sweaty and inside each other's personal space bubble. Unless I show up like this next time:
What do you think? A plastic bubble like Rhino's would solve all my problems, wouldn't it?

10 comments:

  1. You are too funny! I think you might be looked upon weird if you came to karate in a plastic bubble - but hey, then you just roll over your opponents like a steam roller!

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  2. ah, too bad i didn't know you 20 years ago, when i was working on my brownbelt in jujutsu. but i am now retired from all that.

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  3. WOW - sounds like some material here for my MG manuscript ;)

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  4. How about a mask? You could have a special "Green Grappler" one made.

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  5. I giggled the whole way through this post! Does Mr. O read your blog?

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  6. i like the bubble... i'm sure no one will notice...

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  7. Try the deodorant first. It might be all she needs to get the hint.

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  8. Surely Mr. D could be induced to go to karate class with promises of grappling...

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  9. Nose clips like for swimming lessons? ;)

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Spill it, reader.