* The woman who comes to every Happyland Elementary PTA meeting with Really Stupid Ideas that create a gigantic Time Suck during a crammed agenda. She wants to discuss "staff putting a charity down as a place to donate instead of people spending money on Christmas gifts for them." Ummmm...no one here is comfortable dictating this kind of idea to the teachers, and shouldn't this idea come from them anyway? But sure, let's spend fifteen minutes talking about how charitable donations are better than coffee mugs and hand lotion and debate the merits of various local charities. Planning next month's parent/teacher conference meals for the teachers can totally wait.
* It's also a giant Time Suck to spend 20 minutes on another Really Stupid Idea to promote Market Day pies in November by having a inter-classroom competition to see which class can buy the most pies for the food pantry. The teachers can sell pie slices for a dollar each and then add up the total pies and the winning classroom can get a treat! Wouldn't it be FUN for the kids to compare pies during recess and see who can come up with the most money? And what an opportunity to teach FRACTIONS! Nevermind that there's state testing and 3 holiday breaks that month--I'm sure the teachers have nothing better to do in their classrooms than manage some stupid PTA thingy. Oh, wipe the pout off your face, your Really Stupid Ideas are Really Stupid. Deal with veto power.
* The Lia Sophia lady who wants me to book her for an event I'm not even in charge of. Yes, you read that correctly. She's hounding me to get her hooked up with a women's shopping day event. For the high school pom and dance team. With which I am not in any way affiliated. Why? Because the Happyland Elementary PTA isn't doing a women's shopping day event and of course I should redirect potential vendors in my spare time.
* Snow? I haven't even washed screens and windows yet, and the one day it was warm enough, the wasps and flies were headbutting our house trying to get inside--obviously I'm not going to take off my screens and wash them when every insect for five miles around is seeking shelter. Mother Nature, you need to be more accommodating for my fall cleaning schedule.
* I don't get how the Pentagon can hemorrhage money by the billions while the USDA is nitpicking over a row of trees planted in our CRP program--the official paperwork said we were to plant grass, but the map they gave us two years ago and the actual GPS boundaries look different. We need to rent a green chopper and clear out the perimeter of our Back 40 woods STAT. Seriously, if every government agency were as stingy with nickels and dimes the way the USDA is, we'd have money in the Treasury. Our CRP benefits amount to less than $2,000 a year. Ironically, if we'd just develop the property and sell it off in half-acre lots, we'd probably make $250,000 off the same property. So between the money and the bullshit work I have to do for the USDA to meet their requirements? I'm not feeling the incentive to do the better thing for our environment.
* Among bullshit work I have to do for the CRP: weed-whack around 1,900 tree seedlings. Yes, you read that correctly. Even though when I agreed to plant the trees I made sure that our only obligation was to mow between the rows once or twice a year. The field grew over with invasive reed canary grass. The trees are doing fine but we've had to mow (actually, Mr. D mowed, no one else is allowed to touch his lawn mower. Some men have beer can collections, some men have a vintage sports car, Mr. D has a TORO Timecutter.) three times our original agreement--far beyond the language of the contract. And now, NOW they're telling me to cut down the growth around every single tree. In my spare time. I've spent hours out there already and I'm probably 1/3 done.
* Mr. G is still insisting on a three-headed snake costume. I'm struggling just making a King Cobra outfit with ONE head. I keep telling him I'm not crafty, this request is beyond the considerable extent of my talents. He keeps ignoring me.
* I'd get going on insurance companies, but I have 3 yards of black satin to sew into a snake costume and time's a wasting.
Spill it, reader, what's got you feeling Ms. Rantypant-ish today?