Tuesday, November 3, 2009
This is the view out my back door this morning. October has passed--a long, busy, blustery and unruly month. November stretches out ahead of us, full of long nights, short days and fewer obligations. I see my Write On! student for the last time this week. I've two things remaining on my fall chore list. The party decorations are boxed up and stacked in a closet, the garden stripped and potted plants dumped onto the compost pile. Saturday night I get my black belt at the Big Ceremony and Monday we begin a new schedule that will free up 5 hours a week to my benefit.
The blues hit me this time of year. Not enough sunshine, not enough fresh air, not enough exercise in the garden. No crickets or bird songs--everything hibernates or migrates, leaving behind a wasteland full of cold air and silence. I become restless and sad.
I've said yes to too many people and things, bitten off more than I can chew and slacked off on commitments to others and to myself. Guilt breeds inside me and I lay awake late into the night thinking of all I should be doing yet there aren't enough hours to even scrape the surface of it all. I'm letting myself down and I'm letting down people I like and care about. Overwhelmed by all of the lists and reminders, my scatterbrain gets even less attentive and more distracted and it's easier to pick at my cuticles than take a deep breath and focus on a single task.
But I'm trying. In the midst of craziness, I'm committing myself to trying with God's grace and more patience with myself. I'm going to eat apples instead of my kids' Halloween candy. I'm going to keep running 3 miles a week no matter how frickin' cold it gets outside. I'm going to divide those 5 extra hours of free time--3 for me and my own writing pursuits, 2 for others and their requests. I'm going to drink more tea and sit in a quiet room in the evening hours after the kids are tucked into their beds and read, read, read. These things should help slow down my mind and help me accomplish the tasks at hand.
I want to embrace November this year. I'll repeat over and over this word: tranquility. The silence and solitude, the darkness and the stillness can be a good and healthy thing. Tranquility.
***For updates on Attila and her Big Kid click here--he's on the mend, slowly but surely but keep them in your prayers. Thanks.