Wednesday, December 2, 2009

more zen moments

In college I took "Eastern Religious Studies," a real yawn of a course at 8:00 MWF--and believe me, on Friday I was barely propped up on my roommate's shoulder for the lectures. But I did learn that karma is the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation. In my faith, this same concept is called the "Reaping-Sowing Principle," but does not apply to the next incarnation--Western religions like their retribution and consequences paid more immediately. Or in the immortal song lyrics by Ratt, "What goes around, comes around."

Last night I'm in the Momvan running late for church, all 3 kids packed in and ready to roll. We get a third of the way there and I hear an awful flapping sound from beneath the driver's side--WTF? I pull over at the next parking lot and take a look. It's December, dark and chilly at 6:00. You all know the week we've endured here between D's car and the sewer pump. My patience for misfortune is running thinner than Kate Moss.

There, jammed into my rear driver's side tire, is a lanyard and keys. The lanyard is making the flapping sound as it slaps along the inside of the wheel well. I reach out and try to pry it out and am rewarded with the hiss of a slow leak where some sharp metal end has impaled my Michelin. I do the math in my head (if a Momvan is headed west at 45 mph at 6:00 p.m. with a slow leak and an oncoming train is heading east at 100 mph at 3:30...). The answer is to leave the lanyard and keys where they are, double back and stuff the kids in Mr. D's car and make a fresh attempt at the journey. If I stay the course (and really, what moron would do that?), I'll end up in the church parking lot at 8:30 with 3 boys, no cell phone and a really flat tire.

I swapped out the vehicles without further incident (other than knocking over all of the golf clubs on the side of the garage), and on the way to church think:
* If bad things happen in threes, this should totally count as our third and I should be good for a while.
* What kind of an idiot would leave their keys in the middle of the road like that?
* Wait a minute...that idiot now HAS NO KEYS and will be looking for them.
* I have a flat tire, the person who caused my flat tire is looking for keys they'll never find.
* That seems like justice served.


17 comments:

  1. Yikes! Just read about the problem with the pump. I'm so glad that's fixed. You definitely have earned some good luck for a long while now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not fun. How entertaining to imagine how those keys made it onto the road. In my imagination, there is a good chance that a toddler and a window without the child-lock on was involved.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why is it that some people truly believe that "bad things happen in threes"? Why not good things too? *haha!*

    Karma also works at different speeds...you don't always have to wait until your next incarnation to see it play out! *haha!*

    So...what are you gonna do with that lanyard and keys? Throw thm back into the street? Turn them in to the police? put a FOUND notice in your local newspaper? Just curious...

    ReplyDelete
  4. What an interesting and unfortunate series of events you've experienced! I'd say you've earned some stellar good luck, lady!

    Thanks for visiting my blog - I always enjoy your comments! =)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Reminds me of that ding the size of a crater I discovered on the door of my car--- I wonder if the "ding-er" has had their "zen moment" yet.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OK...the "thinner than Kate Moss" statement was too freakin' funny. I'm sorry to hear about the key incident - how weird that someone's keys would be in the middle of the road. Did they throw them out of the car whilst driving? My hubby can take his keys out of his Chevy while he's driving - it's kind of weird.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Holy moly, you've had one heck of a week.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Weird! Someone needs some new keys.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My Karma has a very quick turnaround - to the point that as soon as I've done something worth being smited for, I almost duck.

    I will say that you have handled all three of these situations sooo much better than I would have. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh now that is a good one! I can honestly say I have never gotten a flat tire from keys and a lanyard! That sucks!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think I might be tempted to spend a day in bed with the covers pulled over my head after the week you've been having.

    ReplyDelete
  12. And you didn't take a picture? I would have pulled out my teeny tiny camera (in record speed, of course) and snapped a quick one. While I was keeping down the #*&(#&% while the kids sat in the van. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. What terrible luck, and on the way to church of all places!

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Western religions like their retribution and consequences paid more immediately." - Classic, can I borrow the phrase? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a PITA!

    BTW, one of my favourite poems is called The Lanyard. I think you'd like it.

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4990320

    ReplyDelete
  16. Honestly I wasn't really following all your English until you used the Ratt metaphor and Kate Moss was hilarious. Yes....I'm behind again. So sorry to hear of your further misfortunes. Enough already! Although the car issue is par for the course for you, isn't it? I agree with the other person and spent the next day under the covers. If only we could!! Something about kids needed something...food, school, etc.

    ReplyDelete

Spill it, reader.