Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I stayed up late to watch a disappointing ending. Damn Duke.

Seriously, is anyone out there happy?


In other vexing news, D's team lost last night which was to be expected. We arrived a the game, all decked out in our fan wear (hats & sweatshirts in team colors) and approached the field from the back side. Hm, that doesn't look like Slugger in left field. We walked closer and I squinted to see who stood in the infield. I don't recognize the pitcher or the catcher either. Then I caught a glimpse of the dugout. What's the JV coach doing in there? I thought they had a game today, too.

Unless...crap. I'm at the JV game.
I asked a parent where Varsity was playing and thanked them, feeling utterly foolish. Then we packed up the Momvan, drove the mile to another park and repeated the process of unloading everybody.

The head coach's wife was there with her new baby. I do love her, she's incredibly nice and intelligent and has a decent sense of humor. But (there's always a "but," right?) she's Type A to the 2nd power. No kidding. She's perfection underlined, organized, hard-working and anal-retentive. I feel fantastically inferior around her all the time.

Her house is spotless and clutterless, makes me feel like a giant slob. There isn't even a toaster or a coffee maker on her kitchen counter. My house? Well, I live with Team Testosterone and my staff does a crap job backing me up. Her hair always looks freshly blown out, even when she was pregnant she dressed in cute, stylish clothes. I look barely passable on a good day, after I've made an effort. My clothes are wrinkled and 3 years out of date, my face is red and sweaty, my hair is either flat or flying away. She had the kind of baby who never cries or fusses or spits up. I have Team Testosterone who looks dragged through the mud and has a penchant for public brawling at baseball games, several times ending up rolling on the ground throwing punches. Plus they whine for me to buy them concession stand treats. (At this game G was wearing rubber boots and he and B had "painted" their faces for the game with green and yellow markers to show team spirit. T looked okay except for wearing his blue Snuggie slippers as socks.).

I walked up beside her, admired her new non-fussing baby and said with a laugh, "I went to the wrong field. But I'm sure D and I aren't the only couple who have communication problems."

She replied, "I asked Head Coach two times where the game was because I wanted to be sure I came to the right diamond."

Of course you did.

Spill it, reader, whose perfection do you find vexing?


  1. I find Head Coach's wife's perfection annoying as well. Not that I know her, but still......

    My best friend is like that as well. So very put togehter, always dressed stylishly, hair done, and the purse always matches the shoes. I try and always feel like I fall short when I'm standing next to her. Like i"m that odd cousin that you have to bring to the party because you'd feel bad making her stay home. AND...she never has to diet, but she can eat like a sailor on shore leave. That right there should tell you something.

  2. My kitchen will make you feel better. Clutter everywhere. Because we live here and use it.

    The people I know whose houses look like that are secretly up at 3 am scrubbing the floors because their husbands scream at them if a speck of dirt is seen.

    Wait till the wife has 3 kids and see what the house looks like then!

  3. First, you watch basketball? I kinda like Coach K--but I liked the underdog..the bulldogs.

    You are perfect the way you are!

  4. We have a local boy who plays for Butler...so cool to get that far, but it would have been awesome if Butler stomped Duke (even though that's my hub's team!)

    I always call those types of families the Abercrombie's...plastic, perfect and soooo not real! Being perfect takes way too much effort! Besides, you have no idea what skeletons she's hiding behind all of that perfection. You have a happy family, a good life and that's all that matters! 15 years from now Team T isn't going to say, "Wow, that clean house really made my childhood exceptional!".

  5. probably all "perfect," people make me crazy!

  6. As long as YOU, love you, Melissa, that's all that is important. You DO, right...? WE do!

  7. The Queen of It All, of course...Marty Stew! That broad has a palatial estate and it all runs like clockwork. Then again...she has plenty of help. hmph. Seriously though...she also has a massive schedule for getting things done, and, guess what? everything. always. gets. done.

  8. All I can say is if she seems that perfect on the outside, it only means she extra, extra crazy when she thinks no one is looking.

    That game was amazing but heart-breaking. I have a friend who is a crazy Duke fan and even he said he couldn't bring himself to be too happy about the outcome.

  9. It's been a long time since i saw this girl, but it's my ex best friend from way back in jr. high. We were very close, and she was...well, IS VERY smart. She got straight A's, was skinny, look perfect without makeup, and practiced the flute for FOUR HOURS every day!
    Then-Her father started to become VERY religious, and he kind of forced the whole family to become that way too. Both she and I had been Baptist-at the same church too, but she had to strt living this uber-conservative life. She wore long skirts every day, wore a hat in church, became home schooled, and among other things-said I should come to her house at 6am each morning for Bible study. She'd pick out verses in the Bible and tell follow them very literally.
    When I couldn't go to the Bible study cuz I had to go to school -Shee actually said, "You are going to go to Hell." I was shocked and upset-and the day she said that was the last time we spoke. She dropped me totally out of her life.
    I found out later that she went to Oxford(yes-the one in England that is basically like going to Harvard! She's marrying a very wealthy man now, and she's been published in 10 literary magazines with short stories-One of which won her about 20,000 dollars.

    I try not to think of her...it makes me feel invisible.

  10. So funny! I love your comparisons between yourself and her.
    I know so many of these perfect people, it's hard to pick one. There's this one family in my town whose perfection is just blinding, from the Ivy League-educated parents who are top fundraisers for all the school events and seem to have endless time for volunteering and chairing committees, to their perfect kids who are always prominently featured in school newsletters for their academic honors and sports prowess and whatever.

  11. Let's start with basketball: I'm not wild about the outcome. Do you know what we here in the land of the University of Virginia call Duke? Puke. That says it all.

    As for Head Coach's wife, something tells me that she'll either chill out eventually or she'll end up taking meds to control her various compulsions.

  12. My own.


    I know what you mean though--especially about those babies that never cry or fuss. What's up with that?

  13. Oh, and I liked that bit about your 'staff'. My staff is equally unhelpful.

  14. HAHAHA! I can't stop laughing. I am more like you and always have been. You wouldn't have liked me though when we had 3 kids all in sports at the same time.....I was like a machine man. Never missed a beat! Glad I don't have to do that now! No one would ever be where they had to be!

  15. Okay, I just snorted a little laughing about your exchange! You are effortlessly cool - SHE is going to need medication:)

  16. I find anyone who seems perfect annoying.


    But, really? I'm not disappointed Duke won. I mean, they beat West Virginia, who I can't stand (even though my two step-kids graduated from there) and Butler beat my beloved M.S.U., so there was no way I wanted THEM to win.


  17. How can she not have anything on her counters?! I'm so confused!!

    Every time I meet someone I suspect is "perfect", I think of their secret lives and what is secretly wrong with them: they're constipated. They have terrible teeth. They cry in the shower when they think no one can hear them. I figure everyone has something wrong with them -- it's just that some of us have flaws you can actually see!


  18. I have never heard so much cussing from my living room as there was last night during the Duke/Butler game. Mr. G. was really rooting for Butler.

    I have a friend like the Coach's wife. I can't name names but her home AND her van are always clean.

  19. I think we all know Head Coach's Wife. We know her, but we aren't really friends with her. Because being perfect is exhausting and leaves very little energy for, oh, say, being authentic.

    Honestly? I'm glad I'm not the only one who is red-faced and sweaty and showing up to the wrong place. Just sayin'.

  20. Hilarious, I'm laughing out loud!! I had a friend who had spotless counters and wondered where she puts her mail and the crap you have to deal with. Now I'm the one with unusually clear counters but it's not me. Hubby is anal about clear counters, I swear it's a guy thing. If I were the one home, there would be papers everywhere! Love the post!


Spill it, reader.