Thursday, September 29, 2011

just your average morning

I got everybody fed and was hustling kids out the door today when I discovered that Mr. B and Mr. G didn't brush their teeth. Back upstairs--you're not going to be that stinky kid with the funky breath that nobody wants to sit next to in class. Mr. G scrubbed enough to give me a breath of minty freshness and scooted down the driveway to catch his bus. Mr. B frittered--couldn't find something he wanted to bring in for show and share. I started bellering at him to Move it or you'll miss your bus! That kid is SUCH a procrastinator AND a perfectionist, resulting in a total standstill most of the time. Finally I got him out the door and had begun tidying up the laundry room after them when I heard a voice on the driveway. There's Mr. B talking to the damn dog.

MR. B! You're going to miss your bus! MOVE IT!!!

I stood and watched him head down the driveway, started a load of wash, started the dishwasher and returned to the front porch to see him walking towards the end of the drive for the bus to pick him up. That kid!

Back inside I did a half hour of yoga, during my stretching Mr. D came home. We chatted over coffee, discussing some baseball, our children, a question I had about our bank account and whether I should use a credit card for bonus points or stick with a debit card. NPR told us there will be high winds all day, so I fretted about Mr. T's soccer game coming up. The phone rang--my sister who is out of town--I'm supposed to take care of her cat. Oh yeah, Mr. D says, Your sister called Tuesday--you're supposed to take care of her cat.

It's like that a lot around here, I can't even get irritated (although God knows if I forgot a message like that for HIM, I'd get a long, long lecture). I sort out how I'm going to juggle Mr. T's soccer game and an obligation to finish interviews for the karate school's monthly newsletters, something I conveniently scheduled at the same time as Mr. T's game. Plus one of the kids I'm supposed to interview is in the hospital right now, so there's THAT.

I refresh my mug of coffee and grab rags, a bottle of vinegar-water and my radio. My plan is to wash all the upstairs windows while listening to the rest of Morning Edition. I get Mr. T's room done and head into the other bedroom where I get two windows done, pop out a screen and climb onto the roof to chuck baseballs out of the gutters, and then flush the upstairs toilet because HolyMotherofGodcan'tyouidiotsflushafteryoupooptotallygrossingmeout. I consider the weird smell that seems to happen only in carpeted rooms in our house, but they're incidentally also the rooms where the ducts lead to. Monday the furnace people will be over, I'll rule out the smell from the ducts before scheduling the carpets to get cleaned. SMELLS! Oy.

Back in the other bedroom I move the bed to do the last window. I turn around to grab my bottle of vinegar water and rag and




There's somebody behind the bedroom door.

A person.

I didn't even know was in my HOUSE.

A small-ish blonde person in a light blue polo shirt and khaki pants.

Crouched on the carpet is Mr. B!

I shriek. He bursts into tears. I begin laughing hysterically.

Yep, he missed his bus. Yep, he's terrified that I'll chew his ass and punish him. Yep, he's been cowering in hiding for the past HOUR AND A HALF, terrified!

Buddy! I pull him onto my lap--didn't you think I'd notice you were missing when I serve lunch in the cafeteria later? Didn't you think I'd be so worried? Oh my goodness! Yes, I'm mad that you missed the bus, but you should have told me right away! Now you've missed half your morning and spent all that time terrified. It's better to own up to your mistakes right away so you can start fixing them.

After drying his tears, we got him off to school. Somehow I think we won't struggle with getting to the bus stop on time for a while now. I drove home, finished the window, tidied up the Legos all over the living room floor, answered the door (propane delivery) and it started to rain. Deciding that I don't want to work outside in the rain, I fire up the computer and find an email from the soccer coach--the game is canceled due to high winds in the forecast.

Seriously, even on an average day, life's been good to me so far.

Even though it still freaks me out that an extra person can be lurking around in my house without me having a clue.


  1. You had my heart beating fast there for a second! Poor little guy must have been up to high-anxiety level.

  2. OMG, I would've wet my pants! Too funny he hid all that time. LOL.

    I spent yesterday wiping down our doors and windows with vinegar in hopes it might keep the stinkbugs away a bit. They don't like the smell.

  3. Wow, what a morning. I think if that happened to me I would be skittish for days afterward.

    My daughter also dawdles and often doesn't brush her teeth. As if it is a household cleaning chore that has no effect on her. Oy. And she is 12 years old. I despair of getting her to be a responsible adult in any way. And we get the non-flushing of the toilet also. Yuck.

  4. What is it about some kids and their sense (or lack) of time?! E is the same way --she'll look at the clock, see we need to leave in one minute, then start some activity that is definitely going to require more than one minute. And that's not even counting the time that she still needs for brushing her teeth! And she wonders why I'm always rushing her. :-)

  5. What a story! I can't believe he was hiding like that. (And what is it with the not flushing and the dribbles on the floor?!? Drives me crazy!)

  6. I always like their logic that they think you might not notice he wasn't at school. Although I can relate as someone who hates to get "in trouble" and practices avoidance in the likely event of a confrontation.

  7. Oh ya... Rowdy would have definitely sniffed him out and had him on that bus on time! LOL

    What a scare for you to have someone in the house unbeknownst to you!!

  8. Holy moly. What a morning. Two questions:

    1. Did his brothers notice he wasn't on the bus?

    2. Why didn't the school call you?

  9. Oh I think I would have had a heart attack! Seriously! Poor guy!

    I'm impressed that you climb out on the roof...and secretly thrill that someone else has boys who occasionally forget to flush the toilet. :)

    Thanks so much for posting my widget--did I say that already??

  10. Aww, Mr. B! Mine have done similar things.

  11. I'd be afraid of my house for a long time if I found someone inside I wasn't inspecting...even if it was one of the kids.

    Poor B. That feeling of "Oh Crap..I've definitely done wrong" is a terrible feeling. How did he get in without you noticing???? Amazing.

  12. OMG - i laughed and laughed! i had a feeling that he was going to miss his bus but i didn't guess that he was hiding in his room. sounds like something my kids would have done. any one of them. lol!

    i was still on you climbing out the window to get baseballs out of te gutter. that gave me palpitations.

  13. What a shocker. You'll both be telling this story for years to come!

  14. My heart would have stopped! Glad it was Mr. B!!!

  15. Oy. The toothbrushing... BOTH girls had a new fresh cavity this morning at the dentist. Minty freshness checks are apparently in order around here.
    I want to hug Mr. B.
    I also want to go look behind all the doors.

  16. Where o where do you live Green Girl? I was in Door County this weekend and the entire peninsula was out of power on Friday! YIKES!

    Hope you made it thru the winds!

    Funny story today! :)


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