Wednesday, May 2, 2012

delivered from evil

I confess, I've been tempted, SORELY tempted to do some wicked things.  Yesterday I was driving home with Mr. G in the Momvan when this woman began aggressively tailgating me.  On a county highway.  Where there were no other drivers.  I was traveling at the excessive speed of 62 MPH (posted speed was 55), and she insisted on staying about 4 feet from my rear bumper.  I kept waiting for her to pass me, but she didn't.  I kept waiting for her to jump into my trunk because it was obvious she really, really wanted to be inside the rear of the Momvan (if her proximity were any indication), but she didn't.   She just wanted to drive uncomfortably close to me.

I really, really hate tailgaters.  They make me nervous.  It's a terribly unsafe way to drive.  They endanger themselves and others.  I kept glaring at her in my rear view mirror, but she crept closer.

Then I noticed how she swerved erratically from time to time and kept looking down.  At a phone?  At a cheeseburger?  At a copy of Tailgating for Idiots

I tried to keep my cool.  I kept talking to Mr. G and tried to squelch the urge to tap my brakes. If I braked--hard or quickly, this woman would end up embedded in my tailpipe.  Oh, the temptation!  I could get revenge on this nasty tailgater AND score a new van out of the deal.  But my kid's safety ruled out this tactic.

When I noticed a cluster of cars coming towards us, I slowed down--impossible for her to pass now and frustrating as heck to follow me at 53 MPH, right?  The posted speed limit reduces to 45 MPH, so I coasted past the sign at 40.  The road widens at this point and I made sure to hog the center, preventing her from blowing by on my right.  I puttered towards the intersection at 35 MPH, feeling slightly vindicated because I was making her suffer.  Then I watched her tear into the subdivision just before our intersection.  I resisted doing the truly evil thing and slamming on my brakes on that highway.

This morning I had another chance to choose goodness instead of evil.  Mr. D was heckling me a bit and I escaped to avoid him.  The phone rang and I ran to pick it up.  On the line was a solicitor--asking for Mr. D.  Oh, how I wanted to hand the phone to him!  The devil on my shoulder urged me to pay him back with a little quality time listening to some stranger's pitch for a donation.  I closed my eyes and allowed the glow of human kindness to shine through my clouded emotions--and I told the caller Mr. D was unavailable.  Goodness prevailed once more. 

Spill it, reader.  When have you made the choice to be good lately?


  1. People driving and talking on the phone at the same time deserve to eat some tail pipe!

  2. Tailgaters are the worse of the worst. I've gotten to where I slow down until they pass me even if I have to slow to below the minimum. It just makes me too nervous to have them back there. And of course, I tend to think they do it on purpose but I know some are simply not aware of what they're doing.

  3. I do the SAME thing when someone is tailing me. I always go super slow just to annoy them. It is so dangerous!!!
    Also, I heard that if you hit the breaks for no reason and the person behind you hits you it is considered your fault, so that temptation has gone away for me. Most of the time. ;)
    Bad drivers used to give me serious road rage. I honestly would want to follow them to their houses and yell at them. I think having kids has calmed me down in that respect because now I just want my passengers to be safe.
    Do you remember that video game from the 80's where they have guns and canons on the vehicles and you blow up other cars (i can't remember the name of it)? My husband and I frequently lament not having canons on the front of our cars when confronted with dangerous, stupid drivers.

  4. I usually tap my breaks just a bit...and maybe tell them that they're #1 when they pass ;) But I have to admit, last week I almost lost it on the car in front of me driving 35 in a 55!!!!! I had 10 cars behind me, it was like we were in a freaking parade!

  5. I love how utterly midwestern -- if we consider WI midwestern, and who doesn't nowadays? -- you are. :-)

    I was purposefully good the other day when I reported the man on the bus watching a porn loop on his cellphone in full view. Yick. Granted, he looked like he might be mentally ill, but I don't care. The bus is no place to entertain yourself. :-)


  6. Since I'm a bike rider, I rarely have anyone tail gating me. That's one of the benefits of it. I see so many angry comments here. People do seem awfully frustrated. I won't add one of my own and just say, "Thank you" for the post.

  7. I hate annoying drivers like that! When we were on the way to Williamsburg there was a truck that would pass us at around 80 and then slow down to 55. I would pass him (speed limit was 65) and then he'd repeat. Over and over. It totally unnerved me. I didn't know if he was just an idiot or if he was doing it on purpose. I finally got so frustrated that I exited the interstate to get away from him.

  8. I am good everyday - when I don't just flip the eff out at work. If I was independently wealthy, I would be GONE.

    Tailgaters are SO STUPID - it's not like they are going to make up much time-like 2 minutes maybe??-by going 5mph faster. And there's so much to risk!

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  10. With my personal health, I'm trying to choose good foods over evil ones.

    With my personal relations, I'm trying to choose good deeds over not-so-good ones. Not so easy, I've learned.

  11. Hmmm... I got nothing... lol!

    I hate tailgaters, too. Or, those who can't stay on their own side of the road because they're too busy leaning over the center console talking on the phone. ugh!

  12. I would just like to point out to you--with my newly-acquired dialectical behavioral therapy skills--that you handled both of these situations with "Wise Mind." That is where your logical and emotional minds overlap. It's a good thing.

  13. long time ago, I learned that if you turn on your headlights (not easy in today's newer cars that turn themselves on, but if I can figure out how to do it, you can too!) then your brake lights come on, making the tailgater think you are actually braking....this is worth a shot, no? You don't get them all up in your junk, but you give the the warning that you are seeing that they want more than dinner....and who sleeps with the too close for comfort driver on a first date? ;)
    No, seriously, I would love to slam on my brakes when this happens, but unfortunately, I just took possession of a new/expensive car, and I find that my mindset has to change....I think I'm going to either pull over (if it's not a highway) or turn before I need to, just to get away from the kookoo bird tailers...

  14. For all of you who * really * wanted to but did not:

    I tapped.

    * : )

    I have no litle ones riding with me, and, I'm sorry - our speed limit is 75 here. If that isn't fast enough for you, buddy, and you insist on riding my tail within a pony's nose-hair, when the other lane is EMPTY, and my exit is coming up...then yeah.
    I'm gonna like watching you swerve a little in my rearview as you realize your idiocy and decide to choose life as you back the hell off my bumper.

    Ahh geez...we were supposed to be writing about choosing GOOD...well...vigilantes are good, sometimes...right?
    * ; )


Spill it, reader.