Friday, October 12, 2012

sweaty

Last night I saw an ad for Dove gosleeveless a product that promises to make my armpits beautiful, soft and smooth within 5 days.  Good grief, people, it's all I can do to keep them clean-shaven stubbly and odor-free.  Now the skin under our arms has to glow?  The pressure the media puts on women is ridiculous.  We're supposed to get 8 hours of sleep every night, eat 3 well-balanced, healthy, home-cooked meals a day and exercise for 30 minutes minimum.  Add in the expectations that we achieve and succeed in our careers, clip coupons to save money, stay informed on current events, read our monthly book club pick, decorate our spotlessly clean homes seasonally and spend quality time with our kids.  We're to remember holidays with personally selected or hand-crafted gifts and cards, stay active in our communities, volunteer and dress fashionably, meditate for our mental health, save for retirement and "make our man happy."  If a person were to truly and honestly follow all these rules, they'd be bankrupt and dead irretrievably exhausted from the effort.  And now, on top of removing body hair from between our eyebrows to our toes, keeping the grey at bay, whitening our teeth, toning our thighs, manicuring our nails, smelling like spring rain and flowers (or citrus, or musk or high notes of vanilla), lengthening our lashes, exfoliating our skin and volumizing the hair we're allowed to grow, we're expected to have soft and lovely ARMPITS?!?!

Here's my most recent conundrum.  I read you're supposed to wash your hair every other day.  I've got a shower cap of excellent quality purchased from my local five and dime.  Every other day I wash my hair.  On my shampoo-free days, I pull on the shower cap and clean only my body.

I also read you're supposed to do cardio five times a week.  Do you know what happens when I do cardio?  I SWEAT.  I turn into a wet, sloppy, stinky MESS.  All of me does, including my hair.  So, five times a week cardio--but only wash my hair every other day.  These rules and expectations simply don't add up!

So, I'm doing what every other self-respecting woman ought to do in this situation.  I'm cashing in and tuning out. 

Oh, Green Girl, you can't fool us.  We know you tuned out years ago.

You're right, reader, I have.  I don't read women's magazines, I ignore most of what's on TV, I gave up on fashion and hand-crafted and smooth, exfoliated skin a long, long time ago.  What I'm asking is this:  for the love of all things holy, will the rest of you join me?  Because frankly, you're making me look bad by comparison. 

29 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
    Oh, I love you.
    I've often said this very same thing to anyone who will listen to me. It is absolutely ridiculous all the things we are "supposed" to be doing and "enjoying". Ugh. Come on!
    I actually run every other day simply because I don't want to wash my hair every day (my hair gets dried out when I do that) so I know your dilemma. As for my armpits? I think they are fine just the way they are.
    Thank you for the post. And yes. I'm joining your fight. :)

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  2. Amen, sister.

    I'm not so worried about what I'm "supposed to do" and more concerned about doing what makes me happy.

    It makes me happy to add highlights to my hair, but I'm not going to worry about covering gray.

    It makes me happy to wear mascara and eyeliner, but I'm not going to mess with lipstick.

    As for my armpits, mine are only going to glow with sweat, not with rainbows and unicorn sparkles.

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  3. I'm right there with ya! I could comment a book on this topic! No glowing here--glowing is for sissies!

    I go to the gym 5 days a week for 1-2 hrs a pop. When I leave, I'm the absolute true definition of "hot mess"! There are the cardio queens, who come in with their perfect pony tails, makeup, and pants that have bejeweled backsides. They run their mile on the treadmill and then leave just as perfect as they came in...probably no need to shower then lol!

    I got new glasses yesterday and the man helping me find the perfect specs said "I'm guessing retro". Oh really? What gave it away? My adidas sweatshirt or my yoga pants and no makeup? Poor guy! Yes, I do like dark rimmed glasses and I have more holes in my head than the normal patron, but I'm no Zoe Daschanel. Oh and No Pink. Seriously, do I look like a pink type of girl?!? blah!

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  4. Been there, done that, and what I really mean is, if you can't look at me the way I am, don't! So, yes, I've been with ya probably as long as you've been alive. I could be yaw mama smilin down atcha!
    Have a great day. I loveya the way you are.
    BlessYaKiddo

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  5. I shave periodically. (I have never shaved my whole leg --just below the knee. Saves a lot of time.) The older I get, the less I care, and honestly the less often people are looking at me to evaluate how beautiful I am. Men have not been checking me out for many years, and really, why else do we bother with things like shaving our legs?

    I do shower and wash my hair every day --I feel kind of yucky if I don't wash my hair every day, and I'm another one of those people who sweat a LOT, with not too much activity.

    Now, if we could just get the media to stop talking to our daughters so they could decide what felt right to them, without the influence of the corporations making money off those "beauty" products.

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  6. It's just all so exhausting to be perfect, isn't it? Why couldn't I just have been born a stinky boy?

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  7. I wash my hair every other day, no make-up on a regular basis, haven't shaved my legs except if I wear shorts anywhere other then the farmstead, (course you can't find hair on my legs or arms it is so thin and fine and colorless).
    So, I dropped out years ago, the cows didn't mind.

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  8. The one that amazed me recently is the bleaching of a body area/sphincter that I would expect only a proctologist to see.

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  9. I'm boucotting the whole system and damn well am doing it my own way. I'm old enough and wise enough to know what's good for me and what works. I especially don't need it to be dictated to me by some ad men in, no doubt, fashionable suits and stylish haircuts.

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  10. I think I'm pretty low maintenance. I'm definately not a girly-girl. I figure if I'm clean, smell OK (I do like scented body lotion) and I'm not dressed like the skanks in Wal-Mart I'm doing fine. I rarely put on more than mascara and lip gloss, although I do have pretty gel manicures and once-a-month pedicures.

    The ladies at the nail salon are horrified and sad that I won't let anyone touch my semi-feral eyebrows. They say "oh honey but you NEED it"

    My 24 yr old daughter honed her girly skillz in Sorority and I have to admit she always looks so cute, whether she is teaching, working out or going out at night. The little elementary school girls tell her every day how pretty she looks.

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    Replies
    1. Have your brows threaded (those middle-eastern ladies know from beautiful eyebrows!) You will be completely astounded at the difference it makes! If you go to all the trouble of having your nails done, this will be nothing (and costs less than a polish change). And it's reversible if your inner earth mother wants out, just let 'em grow back in.

      (Socially, of course, all any of us really must do is not smell bad, everything else is just for fun!)

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  11. Thank god my way of life is finally catching on.

    Although I do get my cardio in. That's my sanity. But I'll have you know after yesteday's cardio, I put on nice clothes and met a friend for lunch with my 3 day unwashed hair, two day cardio unshowered covered by perfume and deodorant, hairy legs in a short skirt self.

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  12. I can't deal with the supposed tos. I can only deal with the got tos. Like I tell the kids "You Get What you Get and You Don't Throw a fit". You get me how you get me, make up or not, shaven or not, nails done or not. I'm me. Take it or leave it.

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    Replies
    1. You know I'm in and what astounds me is so many women have climbed into this prison and thrown away the key. We could do NOTHING but bathe and, trust me, men would adjust.

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  13. I just recently started washing my hair every other day - but if I get sweaty or whatever? Oh, I so wash it. But my don't wash hair every day thing started from the 20 minutes it saves ime in the the morning getting ready for work! And the discovery of a shampoo that let my hair feel clean for more than a day.

    I dropped out in the way that I only do what gives me pleasure in regards to outward care. Now, I know I need to lose 20 pounds so my body is healthier, but all the other stuff? Depends on my mood. And armpits? are so off my radar its not even funny!!! Oh, and perfect nails. Yea, those arent' going to happen, but I love the feel of manicures/pedicures so I'll go and just get clear polish.



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  14. you ladies will be VERY surprised at your definition of sweat when/if you pass the menopause section of life. It is an odd place to be, if you used to run cold, liked to bake in the sun, and had a colorful selection of Northface jackets and vests....like me, heh.
    I have not worn a turtleneck anything, in about 3 years now. It pains me. Because the neck wattles/wrinkles are becoming an issue. Not to be able to cover them up fashionably as do, oh, the frenchwomen who do not get fat (but they get wrinkly necks!) makes me sad inside. I willingly became more and more like the ladies I see in Berkeley (you can do just about anything there, no one cares or looks!) a hippified version of myself growing up: leave my hair as it is naturally, never shave above the knee, keep the pits clean shaven and deoderized, make-up only on special occasions....but throw in the sudden humidified skin of a hot flash and I call bullshit. It's an issue, and one that money can't fix. Not that I have any to throw at this, but oh, if I could....

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  15. I think I gave up trying to look Just So in high school, because I just can't do it. Every day I thank God that my husband prefers for me not to wear makeup. And, sweating..... there are some ladies at my exercise class who clearly have taken a shower just BEFORE the class, and put on baby powder (I know this because their baby powder aroma makes me sneeze). Why would they do that?!

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  16. I stopped coloring my hair many years ago. I rather like the way the gray is coming in. If I didn't like it, so what? I've earned every strand. I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan, serve it with home-grown tomatoes in BLTs - but then I'd better be able to sit down, put my feet up, and watch my Monday Night Football!

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  17. Now that you mention it, we're still stuck in the 50s in some ways, aren't we?

    FWIW, I've been washing my hair every other day for a couple of years now, and at least we're into the colder months, which makes it more forgiving when I run and don't shampoo afterwards.

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  18. Different concerns at different seasons. Now I want to look good and feel good and put that sparkle in the hubby's eye. Sometimes that's in tight jeans, with painted, smokey eyes and perfume and sometimes that's in yoga pants, hair a mess and sweaty armpits.

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  19. I really don't sweat much when I work out. I sweat when I'm sleeping. Sometimes, a LOT. But I take a quick body shower after I work out. I wash every inch of my body after coming home from work. Because I'm often covered in snot and spit. But typically skip showers all together on the weekend. Don't worry, I'm not making you look bad.

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  20. At least you're doing your cardio, lady! I ignore most of this stuff, too. The cost and time involved with all these beauty regimens is overwhelming. I used to go to the salon every 5 weeks, for a trim, color touch-up, and brow wax. It was my version of meditation/me time/personal wellness. Then I gave it up, so I could be a SAHM. I haven't had my brows done in over a year, and it shows, but I am happier than every, because I'm with my daughters everyday. I say do what makes you happy, whether that means never shaving the legs and pits, or putting on a face full of make up every single day. Nobody should care, but you. That resolution has worked for me, and my budget!

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  21. Preach it, sister! I'm right there with you!

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  22. I don't understand Dove's campaign at all. When sleeveless, who walks around with their armpits exposed? You might briefly raise an arm, but for the 1/8 of a second that the world can see your armpits, is it worth it to buy a new product? I think not.

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  23. My idea of high-fashion has always been a new pair of tennis shoes ;D that's only switched to running shoes now in my old age. I was never in to clothes, shoes, purses, makeup...it's a wonder I ever got a guy to marry me. Seriously. Guess I'm just lucky ;D - and I haven't even seen my armpits in years---if ever...duh! No one looked there when I was 20 - they sure aren't going to be peeking there now

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  24. I wash my hair twice a week tops now (it takes a while to get there, though, adding a day every few months). If I'm sweaty, I'll just run water over it. And what really helps? Sulphate free shampoo. While you're at it, ditch the parabens, too.

    Speaking of hair. I need to make an appointment to get it cut and colored. I am going to do that right now!

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Spill it, reader.