Wednesday, October 10, 2012

up my sleeves

I'm sitting on so many secrets, making so many plans.  The behind the scenes plotting, meeting with people, lists and conversations is taking up more and more of my life lately.  It's much worse than being in 5th grade and finding out Debra Petras has a major crush on Gary Thompson and pinky-swearing-on-my-father's-grave from my sleeping bag next to her on the bedroom floor that I wouldn't tell a soul.

Actually, as secret-keepers go, I'm pretty good at it.  Just compartmentalize the information, right?  If you tell something in confidence, it will go with me to the grave

They're not all long-term secrets, fortunately.  Several are the birthday-related type.  The end date to those secrets are in sight.  I feel a bit like a squirrel, stuffing packages into hiding places, then scurrying to the door to discover the UPS guy on my front porch again.

So much is hushed up right now that I'm struggling a little bit to keep it straight.  I keep flipping open my little notebook to double-check names and dates.  Does she know about this?  Have I mentioned this to him?  I probably should hold off on telling them until January...

This isn't intended to be a coy post.  I am NOT pregnant.  No one is sick.  None of the things up my sleeve right now are bad for anyone.  

For the fun of it, though, I'll share a few secrets here that I've never told anyone.

Once I stole a book from the public library because I liked it so much.

Sometimes I crave beer the way people crave chocolate.  I just want to taste the dark, malty, bitter richness of a stout across my tongue.  I worry that makes me an alcoholic.  But I don't want to get drunk, I just want to drink.

The very first time I felt sexually attracted to a man was when I saw David Lee Roth in Van Halen's "Jump" video.  He isn't even my type, but something about his long hair and the way he writhed his skinny body around awoke something in me that winter when I was twelve.  It was the very first time I thought something about the opposite sex other than "He's cute."  I saw that video on MTV and realized "OH!  THAT'S what they mean by 'sexy.'  I get it."  Yep, I felt that "tingle" described so aptly in the V.C. Andrews books.  And then?  I LIED everytime I agreed with my friends that yes, Eddie Van Halen is so cute with his smile while privately thinking David Lee Roth was so hot.  I was so embarrassed to be attracted to the wrong guy in that video.

I'm kind of blushing about that last one especially, so reader?  PLEASE don't mock me in the comment box.  Keep that last secret especially on the down low.


  1. I feel about wine the way you feel about beer. I wish they could make a non-alcoholic wine that actually tasted like wine.

    I was so much older than you when I finally felt that first tingle -and it came in an amazing kiss that I can recall to this day :-)

  2. I think I've confessed most of my secrets on my blog.

    I am looking forward to hearing more about any secrets you're able to share later on.

    David Lee Roth. No comment.

  3. LOL on your David Lee Roth crush. All of your secrets sound fun. Also, I hid my favorite library book (intentionally) so it couldn't be returned when I was 6. We moved and my mom found it later, after she'd already paid for it.

  4. I used to love David Lee Roth. Now I am LOLing at his hair. What were we thinking?

  5. Ooooooohhhh....this post SO makes me want to walk back to your house with a few hot mochas and some coffeecake and make you SPILL all of this secretive stuff!!! I love secrets!

    But I won't, so I don't tempt you into spilling. But know this...if you need to tell someone something...I'm your girl! :)

  6. I'm also very good at keeping secrets. I must radiate some sort of trust because people always feel free to tell me the most intimate stories. The things I could tell you but won't! I don't remember that first sexual attraction. Oh yes, I think it was that lovely man on the camping when I was 12 years old who had a bossy wife and six kids. I think I wanted to rescue him from his fate and pull him onto my horse and ride off into the sunset with him.

  7. Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith. I don't know why.

    I too crave beer. Sometimes wine. Definitely beer. I have been known to buy the NA stuff, esp. when I was pregnant, just because I really, really wanted a beer. (The Miller brand is hands down the best one. I've tried them all. You're welcome. Of course, it's the lager, not a nice stout.)

  8. I still have a book I stole from the library in 8th grade. It's called Loose Change (by Sarah Davidson) and is about a group of women discovering feminism in the 70s. I'll never give it back.

  9. You made my day, and here I thought I was the only one in the whole wide world that kept secrets,...secret! Thanks for making me giggle, darn right giggle.

  10. Diamond Dave is/was definitely sexy. Eddie's cute but his teeth are crooked. :D

    "I felt that 'tingle' described so aptly in the V.C. Andrews books." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You're killing me!

  11. Uh-oh too late but I think I should warn you, I've never been one who could keep secrets. I always tell people, "don't tell me." Not because I don't want to know, it's like I said, I have a BIG--no--a ginormous mouth.

  12. Meh on Van Halen in general--though I did see them in concert when DLR was the lead singer. It was Springsteen for me. I think all readers stole a library book at some point and yes to beer. Love having Ballast Point brewery within walking distance of my house.

    I actually can keep a secret--though everyone seems surprised if/when they find out I did.

  13. I am not a van Halen type of music of girl in any way but I LOVED that album and loved loved loved DLR.

  14. oh...also, I totally get the attraction to DLR. I'm a bit young for DLR, but along the same vein, for me? it's all about Kid Rock. So gross, greasy, and probably smells like cigs and bourbon. But good attractive.


Spill it, reader.