Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Sleep paralysis, eh?  Thus sayeth the internets and Web MD.  The weird thing is, I have the symptoms, but none of the causes.  We'll chalk this dysfunction up to metabolic or hormonal change, which is akin to blaming the government for problems, right?  Another vague, all-encompassing cause of things. 

Here's more than you need to know about my metabolism:  it's pretty high as a general rule.  I eat enormous amounts of food, yet my weight only fluctuates about 5 pounds once a month when I bloat n' flow.  I've been a hot flash my entire life--feeling excessively cold is a sure sign I'm sick or getting sick.  I get so overheated when I sleep that waking up sweaty happens to me all the time.  I keep expecting that "change" to start happening, but so far the only signs of aging on this old body are external--some grey hair and deeper lines on my face.  For now, I'm ruling out hormones, too.  The only big change around these parts is the weather--from cold to colder as we settle into winter.   My hunt for a cause of my sleep paralysis comes up empty, as does my hunt for a cure, namely "treat sleep disorders."  Um, isn't sleep paralysis a sleep disorder?  That's like saying "If thirsty, cure thirst."  Not terribly detailed or helpful.

Speaking of hunting for a cure, the heat in our bedroom isn't working and there's a crew of guys in my basement as I type this trying to get to the bottom of things.  In March we had a new boiler installed.  For some reason "Zone 3" gets no hot water.  Our freezing cold bedroom is heavenly--to me and only me.  No joke:  we put extra blankets on only one side of the bed during the winter, and it's not my side. How many men does it take to fix a radiant heat system?  So far we're up to four...

And speaking of hunting, this weekend gun season opens and Mr. B is old enough to join his big brother and dad out in the woods.  To say he's excited is an understatement.  Since his trip to Fleet Farm last week, he's been trying on his new blaze orange duds almost every day.  That kid is JACKED UP to get in the woods.  He told his dad last night, "Only four more days until I'm a man."  Later Mr. D asked me, "He knows he doesn't get to shoot anything yet, right?" 

While three go sit in the woods and carry out the grand Wisconsin tradition of deer hunting, I'm left back at the ranch with Mr. G (too young) and Jax (terrified of guns) (plus, you don't take a dog deer hunting).  It'll only be a couple years and then Mr. G will join the hunt.  Then I'll have to hunt for something to do while I'm all alone.  But this year I'll stay busy ferrying Mr. G to baseball and basketball, which is fine by me.  I've never had any desire to join the hunting party.  I don't object to it, deer are prolific around here, and when prepared properly, delicious with a side of potatoes.  It's just that I can think of about 723 other things I'd rather do in my free time and sitting in the cold woods propped up against a tree isn't one of them.  Yet, that would cool me off and help me sleep well, wouldn't it?


  1. Yeah. Sitting out in the cold woods for hours on end waiting to shoot a deer is the LAST thing on my list of things I'll ever want to do. But, apparently it is pretty awesome to all the men and boys in my life.
    And yes. It is ridiculously cold around here. And it will only get colder. Boo. Why can't our beautiful summers and falls last longer?

    It is good to know what your condition is but not so helpful when they give you no idea as to how to make it go away. Sorry about that.

    Is Mr. G super bummed that he isn't going hunting yet? Hopefully you two will find something fun to do while the others are gone. As for when the house is empty in a couple of years, my MIL used to go on a cruise with her girlfriends or visit far away friends while Todd and his dad were hunting. Sounds like a great idea to me! :)

  2. Web MD wasn't helpful? Odd. (I say that sarcastically.)
    I don't know what voodoo you did, but after reading your post about all of your dreaming and jerking, I had dreams all night long last night. Being chased by lions and all. I haven't had a dream in months!
    I hope this is just a funky phase and your body snaps out of it soon.

  3. Well I hope that the sleep paralysis disappears pronto! I have a similar metabolism to you :-)

  4. my metabolism runs on how "cold can you go". I am the one with the extra blankets. my normal.. 97.4
    I agree, there are so many other things I want to do, hunting, whether deer, pheasant, or.... just not my thing. I will help cut up and make sausage, and cook the deer but not shoot it. All other "bagged" animals or birds are butchered by the shooter.

  5. I can only imagine how excited Mr. B is. Will we get to see photos of him in his orange hunting gear?

    I personally am not interested in hunting, but I am really happy that folks get out and deal with the deer population.

  6. Until recently, I was always the cold one in the house. Rob was a definite heater. But I guess guys have those hormonal changes too, huh? We just don't hear so much about them. He needs extra blankets now before I do :-)

    I was very anti-hunting until I learned about how inhumanely we treat the animals that end up as meat in the grocery store. I'd much rather eat meat from an animal that lived a good life and was killed quickly and humanely.

  7. I'm always cold. I cover up with my robe and take a hot water bottle to bed every night, except in summer.

    My hubs don't hunt deer, but I'm going out with the girls Friday night for dinner and to see Breaking Dawn Part II!

  8. When there is an overpopulation of deer, hunting sounds reasonable as long as the hunters are skilled and know what they are doing and hunt professionally. I would not want just any old looney out in the woods with a gun. I hope there are strict tests that they have to go through to show their competence. Killing an animal has to be merifully done.

  9. In season here, too, and bear are overpopulated. A neighbor got one today that was 650 lbs--said by the time he dragged it out of the woods with help it felt like a ton! Radar is enjoying free bones tonight and we have been promised some meat that I will slow-cook as sauerbraten, also good for venison. I'm with you, GG, let them eat what they hunt and go and sit out in the cold; I'll stay inside and write or read . . . Tell Mr. B congrats from Auntie M!

  10. I will continue to like despite being deeply annoyed by your fast metabolism.

  11. Giggling @Jenn...

    I cannot imagine being so warm that you don't want extra covers in the winter! I have cold hands and feel from October to May and I often feel like I am only truly warm in bed or in the car.

    I agree with you about deer hunting. I don't object to it but I would rather take an Economics exam than sit in a deer stand for hours on end.

  12. I cannot relate. I am always cold - unless I'm running and then only after a mile or so do I warm up

  13. I've had sleep paralysis--it started in my childhood and was particularly bad during my late teens/early twenties. During one particularly stressful time in my life, I experienced sleep paralysis nearly every time I slept. Back then, it manifested as waking from a dream and literally being paralyzed. Sometimes I would wake up and be outside of my own body. The only muscles that will move during sleep paralysis are your diaphragm (lucky, or you'd stop breathing) and your eyeballs. I found that rapidly moving my eyes (under closed lids, because it was impossible to open my eyes) would make the paralysis stop.

    I haven't had an out of body experience in years, but I do still get that horrifying experience you described yesterday--it is definitely more frequent during times of stress. Both my daughters have sleep paralysis as well, and two of my kids are prone to sleep walking. Maybe there's a genetic component?

  14. Lucky you with a fast metabolism:) I hadn't heard of sleep paralysis. I have weird hormonal stuff though and intermittent insomnia this past year for some reason. Not fun with 4 kids and nursing babe. Lots of sleepy time tea over here.

  15. I completely forgot that my horrific insomnia started when I was pre-menopausal,in my early 40's and still having regular periods. . .

  16. I can relate with the 'no need for blankets' except when I'm sick...but still make time to cuddle :)
    My dears are heading to camp tomorrow, after grocery shopping and giving me a hug. Hope they and your guys are all successful. May their aim be true.

  17. Learn something new every day. I hope your sleep paralysis goes away on its own soon. Now I must go and dig out the blaze orange for I too will be joining the men. Might bring a book along, though... Don't tell my father-in-law.


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