Tuesday, October 8, 2013

true and random confessions

Last night we were riding home from the dojo and Mr. B asked me, "Mom, what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mine?"

OH, how I love a man with no arms and no legs joke.  I have tons of them--in a hole, on a wall, in the water, on the floor, in a pile of leaves...

"I never heard this one before, buddy," I said and gleefully chuckled.  "Let me think ... not dirt, not dark, not track, not pit ... Cole?"

"Yeah!"

"Good one!"

"I made it up."

Totally cool that my kid made up a good joke and added to my collection of man with no arms and no legs jokes.  And cool that we can spend the entire drive home telling jokes like this (BTW thanks, Lisa--the pterodactyl joke KILLED in the Momvan!).

***

Last week I got a doozy of a zit above my eye.  I feel like I should really look forward to menopause because the monthly hormone surge is a bitch.  It hurt, it looked ugly, it made me feel like I was 16 again and frankly, I don't need to relive any part of those years thankyouverymuch. 

So I did what any self-respecting woman my age would do.

POP!

***

I found out that remaking my ring would be wicked expensive because apparently the ring I've got is excellent quality.  No kidding, the lady at the jewelry store talked me into repairing it for a reasonable sum.  She went on and on about the heft of it, how great it was made and I buckled.

FYI:  Yellow gold is totally making a comeback in the engagement circuit, which will trickle down to fashion jewelry in 5 years.  You heard it here first.

Also?  She pointed out that 2 of 6 prongs were broken and the remaining 4 were thin, so my diamond's days were numbered.  More silver lining!

***

My aunt gave me buckets of perennials stripped from her extensive garden (because she and my uncle are getting older and not keeping up with it like they once did).  Wouldn't you know I have about 50 plants to dig in and no shovels because they've all broken or been lost by Team Testosterone (who likes to dig deep holes in random places).

Rats.

What do you call a girl with 50 plants and no shovel?  

***

I'm wondering what the deal is with Google + and why suddenly I can't comment on people's blogs without taking on a new identity.  I always assumed Google was an umbrella identity--like being Catholic or Democratic or Croatian.  Anyway, should I sign up?  Is it one more dumb thing to keep track of?  Can I skip it?  Anyone???



19 comments:

  1. your google+ id is the same as your blogger id and the same as your gmail id. no biggy. I don't deal much with g+. but occasionally I get a notice that someone posts and I take a look. nearly all my g+ circle people are lace makers.

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  2. Google: this happened to me with Juggling Life's blog. But I found that if I went to the google+ icon choice, there was a drop-down list and I could go back to my google blogger ID. But it was weird because the whole thing used to be much simpler.

    I have never heard a "man without arms and legs" joke. I guess I need to google them :-)

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  3. I hope yellow gold does make a comeback. I prefer it to silver on some days.

    I tried signing up for Google+ so I could use their video chat with my son, but it complained back at me when I said my name was "Common Household Mom". So I abandoned it.

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  4. Ooh, it's good that you're getting your prongs reinforced!

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  5. In a half-hearted attempt to be special-needs-sensitive, we started hunting up cow-with-fewer-legs jokes. E.g., what do you name a cow with only two legs? Eileen. And so on. (I'm also glad you're not telling us you lost your diamond because your prongs wore out and you never noticed.)

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  6. Oh glad they liked my joke! I pop my zits too. And did you read my confession about using cat zit cream the other day? Well hey it worked.

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  7. I've always worn a mix of metals in my jewelry... I refuse to let whatever is 'in' dictate what I wear on my fingers or my ear lobes. Wear what you love... xox

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  8. My favorite joke ever will fit right into your repertoire:

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?


    Right where you left him!

    Also? "More silver lining" about your gold ring. HA!!

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  9. I love it when kids' jokes turn the corner to the actual funny. Cracks me up that you have a repertoire of no arms and legs jokes.
    I would like to know who doesn't pop that odd zit that appears.

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  10. Wear whatever metals you want and whatever rings you want. If you're bold enough to confess your zit adventures on your blog, then you're woman enough to wear whatever you want on your ring finger.

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  11. I have had to give up popping zits because of one too many times taking a miniscule bump that will disappear in a couple of days and transforming it into an inflamed highland that sticks around for ten days (and can't be disguised with spackle).

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  12. Menopause...it's horrible but I hear the end result is a good thing...no more Aunt Flo

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  13. Blogger's new comment form, where the sign out button is located where I keep thinking the enter button is and every comment gets lost is driving me nuts. As for G+, Edie & her friends hang out there, so apparently I'm not supposed to.

    That's my two cents. Hopefully I'll get lucky and hit the correct button to enter it.

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  14. My chin is nearly healed from the last time I messed with a zit... a week ago. (Give me another week and I'll find a new one.)
    You just explained why I've been having trouble commenting on Jenn's blog.
    COLE. Brilliant!

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  15. Really missing your weekly overviews of Sons of Anarchy. Any plans for a return?

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  16. "What do you call a girl with 50 plants and no shovels?"

    Bahahahahaha!

    The zit thing? I feel you. It seems like I have more zits this past year than ever. What. the. heckfire?

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  17. Zits are one of the things that I figured would totally go away when I turned 18. What a gyp. However, by this point, I feel pretty skilled at knowing when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to run.

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  18. I have two google id's: my blogger ID, and my real ID, which is linked to my google+ account. I think I have been on blogger since before it was a part of google. It's a PIA, because I can't comment on any blogger blogs if I am also logged into my gmail. (I CAN comment, it's just that my real name will display, rather than "Patience." Apparently, there's a way to toggle back and forth between your two google identities, but when I turned that functionality on, it never worked.

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  19. Oh you do make of laugh! On idea about google+ I seem to sign up for everything multiple times apparently!

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Spill it, reader.