Wednesday, December 18, 2013

business in the front, party in the back

I've got the holiday blues in a bad way.  Crabby, cranky, ornery and out of sorts.  It's no one thing in particular, it's how the whole lot of Christmas lands on my shoulders in a weary kind of way--all of the stupid baking and decorating and wrapping and scheduling.  We're a week out and Drunk Eileen is still leaning against the wall and we haven't got a single strand of lights hanging outside.  Yesterday sent me over the edge, though.  A few days ago I researched a particular item I want to buy for someone and then I made the noble decision to buy it locally and not just order it online, even though that is my preferred method of shopping.  I reasoned that I hadn't done much Christmas shopping, so I'd grab a few things for the kids and return a movie I'd bought for D because I learned his mother bought it for him, too.

In other words, I had grand delusions of making merry, greeting smile after smile with the other shoppers rushing home with their presents.

I drove to four stores where I walked around in a grumpy funk, not seeing anything I'd want to waste my money on and not finding the one thing I wanted to buy.  There were no silver bells, not even a Salvation Army bell.  No one smiled at me, either.  I had this idea that gifts would call out to me from the shelves, but I walked out of every shop empty-handed.  Then I sat in a parking lot and made several phone calls to track down the thing I'd set out to find.  No dice.  I returned the movie, grabbed stocking stuffers and went home.  (Worth noting, however, that Target brilliantly set up a huge display of WINE next to all the Christmas candy and stocking gifts.  It took a lot of discipline to resist cracking one open and sitting down right there in aisle 18 with it--although I suspect several other moms would have joined me.)

People, this is why most of us shop online, at home, ALONE--it's fast, easy and efficient.  Yesterday afternoon was a colossal waste of my time. I was back where I started with nothing accomplished after three hours of farting around.

After school I grouched around the kids and they fought and I made dinner and cleaned up dinner and then convinced my shaggy-haired tribe to let me cut their hair.  I set up the razor kit in the basement and wrapped Mr. G in an old sheet.  The razor vibrated in my hand while I swept it across the front of his head.  That's when I started to chuckle.

A few more swipes and the chuckles gave way to laughter.

What's so funny, Mom?  Are you giving me a Mohawk?

No, buddy.  This is even better.

I finished and sent him upstairs, clutching my sides and howling.


Little mullet man.

(I'm not a horrible mother, I totally shaved the back off before sending him to school this morning even though he wanted to keep the mullet.  But a bad haircut was good medicine for a couple hours.)


  1. I don't know if this helps, but I've been meaning to tell you that I smile and my heart is lifted up, every single time I come to your blog and see the header photo of the edible nativity scene. If it weren't for that, it would be Complete Grump City here.

    The idea of wine in the Target store is quite jolly. We don't have that in the Nanny State of Pennsylvania.

  2. I can totally understand the grump around the holidays --it is a TON of work, really. I think we should perhaps start a Target-wine-in-aisle-18 support group :-)

  3. My broken ankle required that I do most of the shopping online. It is a soul-less way to find Christmas gifts. That said, the immediacy is fantastic and it's hard to argue with how easy it is. It's hard to argue with easy.

  4. OMG! Aside from the hair cutting, I could have sworn this was written by me. This has been totally the case for me too. We have no lights outside. We usually do by Thanksgiving weekend. I wandered around an entire mall and bought NOTHING. I can't even figure out what to put in my girls' stocking, more or less what to get them as gifts. It's been the weirdest Christmas season ever.

  5. I do all my shopping on line. Even the gift card buying. I got that panic feeling last Sunday and sat here with coffee and shopped away. Until one purchase said my Credit card wasn't accepted to try a different card. I had made enough purchases at 3 different stores in a very short time frame that that card's fraud alert went into effect. Followed was a phone card from that credit card company and all was well. Nice to know they are keeping a lookout for fraud, tho. Love on line shopping.

  6. OH... you were EVIL! I know what you mean about walking around in circles in the stores. Shopping online for presents rules in this house! Would rather pay shipping than stand in long checkout lines at Target... while hoping that all items in my basket are priced as their sale signs say and they won't have to turn on a blinky light at the check-out to have someone price check anything for me.. soooo annoying.

  7. I shop on line bunches and the Wine in aisle 18 sounds like a winner, but that would mean a 60 mile drive to the nearest Target. not going to happen. But I think I am going to open something tonight once I get home from work. (yeah I know, I check your blog while I am at work. it breaks up my day. and often you give me a giggle or 2.)

    Shameless plug below so stop reading now if you wish

    Of course if anyone would like to decorate their yard, I work at the place that has just the thing. Wind Spinners. Stainless Steel, powdercoated guaranteed not to rust. And we have a marvelous selection of designs and colors.

  8. When I cut Pete's hair, I usually start off with a little mohawk action just for fun.

    Earlier today I estimated that I did 75% of my shopping online, but I later realized that's it's probably closer to 90%.

  9. It is a reality that it is easy to shop online than have to go to every store looking for the things you needed. If we do it online we just type on the things that we are looking and then we can have our choices. An online shop just helps make our life easy! On the other hand, your boy is looks pretty handsome. Is that the cut hair already?

  10. I have purchased only two things online this year, which is more than usual. I like to look at and touch and really see what I'm buying, so online shopping does nothing but make me crazy. I do hate an unproductive trip out, though. I didn't get much done today thanks to a store I like to call "pain in my butt telephone company". They really tried to suck the fun right out of me.
    I keep forgetting to tell you how much I love the nativity above. Awesome.
    And the cracks me up that you left it like that all night.

  11. I shop online and locally too, but stay away from mob scenes at the huge stores. Target is smart to put the wine near the Christmas candy and stocking gifts, LOL. Shopping in our small downtown stores makes me happy and the store owners love customers!

  12. just saw a pic for brad Pitt's 50th birthday, he has a mullet from back when, OH GOSH!

  13. The other nite on the phone with a friend, we both started apologizing for not being able to hold up our end of the conversation. "I can do life or I can do Christmas, I just can't do both" she said.
    Pretty much sums it up.

  14. And his cute face in the last picture! Priceless!

    I needed some plain white t-shirts but while we have lots of quaint shops here, there is no place for basic goods. The nearest Target is 30 miles away. So I ordered them online.

  15. Wow. It is like we are living parallel lives right now. No kidding. The funk. The crazy shopping. The frustration. The baking, the cooking. The constant running around. BAH! AND, what is even crazier is that cutting my kids hair got me out of my funk too. I trimmed the boys' hair and then Grace started pestering me again. She has been aching to have me give her a short haircut but I kept talking her out of it. Well, recently she has been having an awful time every time I brush her hair (so many tangles) and when she asked me this time I agreed. It is her hair, after all (which she loves to tell me over and over again, "It's my hair, mom, and you said I can do whatever I want with my hair"). Anyway, the haircut turned out so well it put me in a great mood.
    Yeah for great haircuts (and funny mullets!)

    I'll still join you in aisle 18, though. ;)


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