Monday, April 21, 2014

hurling: a spectator sport for the ages

The crew at Chez Green Girl have iron-clad stomachs, unlike Suburban Correspondent's people some people.  We're descendants of stoic, stocky, sturdy German pioneers.  If it's pickled, fermented, pan-fried or laced with meat, we'll eat it with relish.  And a potato side dish.  In short, I can count on one hand the number of times we've tossed our cookies in the past decade.  Imagine my surprise when Mr. G hurled last night and did it by the book.

The 3 Rules of Hurling

1.  While one might hurl anytime, it's best to hurl in the middle of the night.  Check.  It was 12:06 when Mr. G trotted up to the side of my bed to report his first hurl. 

2.  Fabrics make the best hurling target, preferably a dense, thick carpet.  Check.  He nailed this-- carpet and bedding and the eleventy-million stuffed animals that share Mr. G's bed.

3.  Bonus points are awarded for the amount of surface you can cover while hurling.  The Venezuelan judge gave Mr. G a 10--he hurled over the side of the top bunk, creating a splatter effect across a 5 foot radius.

Mr. G's nearly perfect hurl was undoubtedly the result of of his dietary choices--cheeseburger, Peeps, chocolates--not the years of training some Olympic-caliber hurlers enjoy.  Subsequent hurls throughout the night did not score as well because I made Mr. G sleep nearer to the floor with a bucket clutched to his chest.  I didn't have the heart (or stomach) to clean up his perfect first hurl in the middle of the night, so my housekeeping chores begin with pulling on rubber gloves and filling a bucket with soapy water.

And for the record, I'm calling the boy "Ralph" all day.

19 comments:

  1. Been there, done that a few too many times.
    We are not regular hurlers, but we definitely manage to catch whatever stomach bug is going around every few years. This year, the girl threw up in the toilet, by herself. We applauded ourselves for finally finishing this potty training thing. Only took 12 years.

    Hope Mr. G is feeling better today.

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  2. I personally never do any hurling, but Oliver (the dog) was successful a couple of nights ago at 4am in the morning and so I was reminded of the smell, which was really not so different from people smell.
    I hope Mr. G is better today.

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  3. Wow, that's SOME hurling skill. You've got those rules of hurling right. But oh, man, hurling from the top bunk - that does beat all. I hope he feels better and you recover from the unpleasant chore of cleaning it all up. If it were me I would use it as an excuse to throw out the stuffed animals, but I'm cruel like that.

    There was a legendary night (in the middle of the night, meeting Rule #1) in our family when my youngest, about 1 or 2 years old, contracted some dread virus, and threw up repeatedly, as I held her in my arms (aiming it all toward a towel). We used up every towel in the house before she was done.

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  4. Oh, what a mess! Sounds like Mr. G is a pro at the vomitting for maximum coverage. I do hope he feels better in the light of day. Does this mean you needed a sub for your subbing job?

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  5. I'm hoping the hurling was just a result of poor food choices, but usually multiple hurlings signals something much worse. Something contagious :-(

    I think that's the best reason I've ever heard of for NOT having bunkbeds!

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  6. That is legendary, all right. One of my guys had a really sensitive gag reflex as a toddler, so so he would hurl if food tickled his throat the wrong way. Usually on me. The other one rarely hurled. The first time, he was so surprised!

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  7. Poor Ralph! The middle-of-the-night spew is classic.

    I hope he slept soundly afterwards.

    Pearl

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  8. My son used to be a very good hurler. It turned out later that he was allergic to eggs. He didn't make it to the toilet very often, but hurled wherever he happened to be. Sort of like a volcano unexpectedly exploding. Actually, I think he inherited that talent from me.

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  9. oh, poor Mr G, what a mess. sorry for your household chore this morning.

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  10. OH GOD....but what he ate makes ME want to hurl too ;)

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  11. Gag. Hands down, my least favorite illness of all time. I hope it's fast and that he recovers quickly.

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  12. Why does that always happen in the middle of the night? Here's hoping he feels better soon...and the rest of you stay healthy!

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  13. Oh no. That's rotten. And why DOES it always happen in the middle of the night? Ugh.

    Unfortunately, my kids must be hurling champions. I can not tell you how many times we have had that very same middle of the night pukefest. And then it runs through the house. Awful.

    I hope all the pukage is done with and peaceful sleep is restored to all.

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  14. Oh. My. Gawd. Well, huge points for style, Mr. G.

    I hope this was an isolated incident!

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  15. Hahaha! Poor Ralph. I hold the record - I always make it to the toilet. Told my kids that. Gave them something to aspire to.

    Peaceful sleep for you now.

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  16. Bunk beds are all fun and games until someone gets the stomach flu...

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  17. Gah! Hope everyone is ok and it didn't get spread around!

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  18. Oh, no. All the stuffed animals.

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  19. Style points!!

    SnakeMaster also has eleventy-million stuffed animals on his upper bunk which is why boys with icky tummies do not get to sleep far from a toilet.

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Spill it, reader.